Posts Tagged scared me senseless

Chuck Patterson Paddles Into the Sea, Films Sharks Stalking Him

I paddle out on my Hobie Stand up paddle board, 250 yards by myself and within minutes a shark surprised me with a swing of his tail, almost knocking me into the water. The shark swam away and another 7′ shark appeared and circled my board off and on for 12 minutes. it was an insane experience which i hope to enjoy again soon.

Not only is Chuck Patterson insane, he takes damn good amateur video. Hopefully, he’ll live long enough to make more.

Video dropped under the cut.
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“Dick Cheney has no pulse.” -NBC Nightly News

Presented without comment.

via whitechapel internet July

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Parents Hire Devil Clown to Horrify Children on Birthdays, Therapy Costs Not Included


Dominic Deville stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes.

He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked.
[…]

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville.

‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

If the boy or girl manages to avoid the ‘hit’, they are given the cake as a birthday present. Well, that’s alright then.

You know why things like this don’t happen in the US of A? Remember what happened to [name censored] in ZOMBIELAND?

Yeah, you do.

Friends of Groonk don’t get any ideas. Our boomstick remains at the ready.

via 7d, Metro

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2 for Tuesday Tease: THE FOURTH KIND of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

The pinnacle of the ever widening debate between scientific logic versus steadfast belief is found in The X-Files Revelations .

Mulder refuses to believe in miracles. He does believe in little green men walking the streets, looking for his missing sister, and doing very odd things with bees.

Sculley refuses to believe in the rubber man, the moth man, and shark men that hunger for human brains but try very hard not to eat people’s brains only to fail and give in to primal instincts in the end. She just can’t abide these things exist in her world of science. She does believe in Catechism which proves she still has lingering remnants of faith.

For us, The X-Files peaked at this character revelation. Not long after, it degenerated back into a tired monster of the week scenario. On really bad days they “deepened” the mythology with so much nonsense that we ceased to care. Luckily Revelations remains as a small beacon of thought.

Aliens and ghosts. That’s our world distilled to its base elements. Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom, continues to dip into those wells.

THE FOURTH KIND

Summary
Strange things are happening in Nome, Alaska. More people disappear there than in any other city in the state. These same people are seeing snowy owls sitting in their windows — staring. Only they are not owls. Leeloo takes a break from her duties as the Supreme Being to investigate.

Assessment
Those grey aliens scare the crap out of us. Know that if we ever see one of those little bastards staring in our window while in the warm, comfy folds of nighttime we’re grabbing the nearest stick and murder the shit out of it. Galactic relations be damned. This creepy stalker shit will not stand, man.

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Robot WTF: Amorphous Autonomous Breathing Body Pillows… for The Future?

What they tell us:

Based on EAP-technology “Funktionide” is a concept for an emotional robot that substitutes human contact. In a future where technology will play a huge part in our lifes it is very likely that some day it will shift from satisfiying our basic funtional needs to include our emotional needs as well.

And the day came when making out with Gloop or Gleep was “okay” in the eyes of the world. On this day we stopped the world and got off.

(via boingboing)

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Ugly Cat is Ugly, Too Loved To Notice

His full name is Ugly Bat Boy.

Ugly Bat BoyWorkers said many people who come into the building can’t really believe what they’re seeing. But they said despite appearances, Bat Boy has a nice disposition and real inner beauty.

“The impression from clients that come in is he’s not real because he just sits so still, and when he does move, he scares them, but they think he’s mesmerizing,” Hartnett said.

The office staff was getting so many questions about the cat that they put up a couple of fliers saying he’s about 8 years old and perfectly normal in every way — just ugly.

What the article also mentions is that UBB is a survivor. This is something we appreciate in all creatures big and small.

(via @mattstaggs)

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Mapped: The Inner Workings of Muppets

Lovers of muppets and how things work, please gather around. Children, you shouldn’t be here anyway but we applaud your furtive steps in dodging those parental blocking sites. This is completely SFW. And yet could be very damaging to your childlike wonder. We will not be responsible for this tragedy.

Look away now. Have a cookie and play outside. You’re beginning to form Morlockian features.

Everyone else, please attend this awesome and terrifying spectacle:
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Dino Detritus: When Comes the Pervatasaurus?

Whatever would we do without The Onion?

The Pervatasaurus would stalk you

The Pervatasaurus would stalk you

Video of the Pervatasaurus M.O. can be seen below.

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DINO DETRITUS: Dinosaurs & Robots, In Flagrante Delicto

Oh, the things we’ve seen. The horrors we’ve endured for you, gentle reader. We’ve suffered and plotted to bring you only the best of the best Dino Detritus. The need to track obscene and subtle uses of dinosaurs in our society comes at a high cost and we shall gladly pay.

Now the only problem we have is deciding which offense to saurian kind gets to go first. Found last week in the trenches of Friend Feed and Twitter, we bring you Dinsosaurs Fucking Robots. The accused defend their actions:

\A showcase where artists and comedians can come together and make pictures of… dinosaurs fucking robots… with inspirational phrases.\

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Gaze Deep into the Eyes of the Hatchet Fish

(via monsters of the deep sea)

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