Well, I saw it on a Friday. I give it a knee-jerk grade of low C. Only average, all in all. The grade was only that high cause I have and affinity for things superpowered and mutant. The action was glorious but the script was lacking in places. Lots of places. To sum up: not enough talky to backup the punches, kicks, and lightning strikes.
More hypercritical geek wordiness and glancing spoilerness after the jump.
What the Hell Happened?
I adored the first teaser. I’m a sucker for quick cuts matched to the heavy bass line of house music. The MTV nation did its damage to my fragile mind. The trailers that followed weren’t half bad either. Then I saw Yahoo movies special X3 clips and my heart died a little. Good god, that dialogue was unspeakable. Yet there was Jackman and Berry speaking it, doing awful things with it, making my inner fan boy cringe. Bryan Singer ran off to Australia with the X-Writing Geeks I had come to admire and left us with rubbish hacks. Damn you, Singer, and your super apt pupils!
Even with Singer and Company’s absence, I would not be swayed. I was gonna suppress my hypercritical inner fan boy and watch with hopeful eyes.
X1 and X2 Mated and had a Bastard Step-Child Called The Last Stand
Brett Ratner has done some decent flicks. I’ve seen a few. Some were witty. All were action-y. So I knew X3 wouldn’t skimp on the mutant on mutant on human on mutant action. The writing, though, is another matter. X-Men and X-Men: United had character cohesiveness. I could tell writers Tom DeSanto, David Hayter, Michael Dougherty, and Dan Harris(whew) were comics geeks by the depth of the character relations. The subtle hate between Scott and Logan was priceless. Ian Mckellan’s none overly-preachy Magneto was welcomed. Patrick Stewart was spot on as the professor. That role could easily have degenerated into over-acted self-righteous speechifying.
Mystique and Lady Deathstrike had a smattering of lines yet their appearances were memorable. Mystique got a chance to build on her naked and pastied memory. Lady D, unfortunately, didn’t have the chance. (Yes I know Lady Deathstrike “died” in X2: United, but if there’s one thing you learn about the Marvel-verse, no one is truly dead until they stink up a few books. Even then it’s iffy.)
Singer and Co. had shredded the cheese factor to almost nothing. Ratty an Co. relied on all these good things but refused to make their own goodness. They even brought back medium slices of cheese.
So What’s Your Beef?
The lovely fight scenes made the 12 year old in me smile and reach for popcorn. Storm finally learned to fly. Wolvie was a little more snikt-happy. Bobby, ice-beamed and iced-up. Madrox multiplied but didn’t get enough screen time. Madrox is one of my favorite Marvel mutants. Henry McCoy, well the prosthetics seemed kinda clunky on him.
The Phoenix though. That’s where the lack of character building showed most. She’s all powerful. An omega level mutant(class 5 by movie measurements). I get all that. But why should I care if she lives or dies?
Her introduction, early in the film, proved she’s one of the scarier things in this world, a child with ultimate power and the will to use it without remorse. Later viewing of Jean/Phoenix were just that. Jean fighting Phoenix. You never saw why in hell would you want to save a person that hellbent on destroying everyone she ever loved or that ever loved her. You never got to see Good Jean show us she’s worth fighting for. They ignored the fact that we all need to be reminded about her goodness. This version of her inner conflict was only superficial. By relying on those who came before(Singer and Co.) to back up all the pathos in X3, he left first time X viewers in the cold.
Letting the Geek Speak
One last bit. Goddamnit, I wanted my Phoenix raptor effect! How can you have the Phoenix and not have her damn trademark all encompassing bird of fire effect show up even once? Singer planted hints of the Phoenix all about X2 with subtle bits of fire all about Ms Grey when she was stressed. Where the hell was it here? Even if you discount the earlier build up, why would you have a character named Phoenix and not at least have a box of matches with a picture of a bird on the top make a scene appearance? Hell, I would have been happy if he set chickens on fire and had them spout from her arse. Just as long as something bird-like was on fire and next to Jean Grey when she displayed her awesome power.
Really, was that too much to ask?
You still here? Good. You’re a brave little soldier and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The fact of this long winded matter is I didn’t hate X3: The Last Stand. I did lower my expectations and prepared my geek mind to revolt against it, but Ratty did ok. Only, Ok. He could have done a helluva lot better. And I could have had my bird of fire.
fire made flesh
