I care nothing about what that ghastly popular internet ninja may say. (Seriously, Mister, I never asked.) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3: AT WORLD’S END entertained the hell out of me. I say the same for PIRATES 2: DEAD MAN’S CHEST. Hella fun flicks. But back to PIRATES 3.
PROS:
- Sad and oddly uplifting pirate songs sung by doomed pirates.
- Captain Jack Sparrow in his personal hell(Davy Jones Locker) as only Johnny Depp could pull that off.
- Bill Nighy(Davy Jones) chewing up every minute of screen time.
- Crab sigils.
- Boat’s a rockin.
- Captain Barbossa being the other rogue you love to hate.
- Naomie Harris’ beauty shining through her extreme pirate-scurvy eyes and licorice-blackened-mouth witch make-up.
- The strangely moving scene between Bootstrap Bill(Stellan SkarsgÃ¥rd) and Kiera Knightly on Davy Jones’ ship.
- A council of pirates!? Oh, hells, yeah!
- Nine pieces of whatever’s lying around.
- Keith Richards being brilliant as Papa Sparrow.
- Flaming undead monkeys.
- Johnny Depp cause let’s face facts, without him in the picture making things wonderfully weird, what would the PIRATES trilogy be? It’d be CUTTHROAT ISLAND with magic. Bland, listless magics that even a kraken wouldn’t liven up.
- Staying after the credits for the last scene. True closure is there.
- I will be sizing up pirate clothes for Halloween, and other occasions.
CONS:
- The moment I realized I was watching Chow Yun Fat on the screen, was the moment I realized he needed more screen time.
- Too much bargaining going on. We get it. Pirates are tricky bastards. Let’s move on to other piratey things. Breaking up Depp’s scene in that way was a travesty.
- Speeches about freedom that ramble and are rather uninspiring yet manage(miraculously) to inspire all the same.
- Insane amounts of ship-sieging and pirate-fighting towards the end. Trim that shit down fellas.
- Unnecessary slow motion dying. Not sure what point they were trying to get across there. Maybe it would have been better if he were literally hoisted on his own petard. (Or maybe that was what is was supposed to be? bah. it was still a bit much.)
- Angsty love story that should have been consummated in PIRATES 2. There’s only so much whining about not understanding each each a fella can take before you’re done with love. If they were together in PIRATES 2 you could have easily explored new ground in that life at sea in PIRATES 3
- I will be sizing up pirate clothes for Halloween, and other occasions. Me in pirate get-up. Nothing good can come of that.
In the end, for a movie fashioned around a theme park ride, the damn thing did ok by me. Seriously, what were you expecting? LOST IN TRANSLATION*? Boy were you at the wrong movie.
(*Brilliant, by the way.)
