The weekend is here but I saw GRINDHOUSE on a Monday. I’m just cool like that.
Quick Lesson: A film makes you think. Think about rain forests. Think about culture or why The World turns your shit on its ear, all of that. That’s a film’s job. That’s what it does.
A movie is distraction. You laugh, or you cry, or you kill the bad guys while executing a reverse back flip onto a three-legged horse and ride off with the lady at sunset. That’s their function. They are catharsis taken through the eyes and ears.
Some films are so full of high-minded snootiness that you want to beat them past death with a shit-shovel. Some movies are so blindly idiotic and artless that shit-shovel death would be a mercy. (Folks in The Biz seem to excel at those.) You can mix and match to your leisure, of course, but that’s the visual arts in my nutshell.
Now when we talk about GRINDHOUSE, or PLANET TERROR/DEATH PROOF, we’re talking full-on movie loving from the heart and crotch(in that special tickle sort of way). It’s a tribute to all the crappy movies that managed to inspire.
GRINDHOUSE is the funnest movie I’ve seen this year.
PLANET TERROR/DEATH PROOF
I went into GRINDHOUSE as sure as satan it would be my first love. The theatrical trailer already had me crushing on it hard. PLANET TERROR appealed to my inner 12 year old. You know the one. He’s the kid that wants to blow shit up, ride motorcycles and kill zombies until early morning. Zombies, GoGo Girls, lesbian love affairs and badass zombie killers is what I expected and it’s damn well what I got!
At the same time PLANET TERROR was disappointing. In all the mayhem carnage and, perfectly timed, off-screen sex it managed to fall a few points short of perfect. I’m sure to buy the DVD and gush to friends, strangers, whoever will listen about PT’s awesomeness. But my inner 12 year old movie lover was, if only slightly, let down.
Having said that: GoGo Girl with assault rifle leg. Fuck yeah!
The Best Trailer for a Movie that(Probably) Won’t Get Made: DON’T
Edgar Wright is genius.
PLANET TERROR/DEATH PROOF
Quentin Tarantino has this innate ability to shoot actors and actresses in the height of repose and make that shot the damn most interesting thing on the screen. The fact that DEATH PROOF had the finest women ever assembled in his movie didn’t hurt in the least. An Engineer once told me that was because QT has style.
He’s not wrong.
DEATH PROOF was a bit talky but it made my inner 16 year old, the gearhead that loves superfine ladies with attitude, giggle and squeee. It was a very manly giggle and squee. Trust me.
I hear the MPAA forced RR and QT to make cuts to the racier bits of their movies and that both directors couldn’t be happier about that. I’m sure you’ve heard, ad nausem, that grindhouses of old had missing bits of film. Teenage projectionists would cut out the naughtier bits for more personal viewings. The MPAA played right into the spirit of the grindhouse. The directors made the cuts to humorous and frustrating effect. I guess that makes MPAA screeners no better than horny teenagers who take all the good porn for themselves. The selfish bastards.
PLANET TERROR/DEATH PROOF may not have the box office gross(currently) but they are films you WANT to see. If you like fun, carnage, and sex you need to see GRINDHOUSE. If you’re under 18, you need a parent or guardian to watch GRINDHOUSE with you. Sorry, kids. You’re minds are too weak for melting balls, the sexiest non-stripper lap dance ever (possibly)filmed, and muscle cars wrecked at the speed of insanity. You’re just not old enough to handle that type of fun alone.
