GROONK[dot]NET ಠ_ಠ

Vampires, zombies and werewolves. The trinity of terror. The monsters that do not die. The monsters Hollywood won’t allow die.

All the horror flicks, of interest, that we could muster lay below the cut. Did we miss any?

Vampires

DAYBREAKERS

What it is
The nation has been knee-deep in bloodsuckers these last few years and the toll has been heavy. The one vampire flick that harbors the smallest bit of interest is DAYBREAKERS. The Placebo cover of “Running Up that Hill” may have bumped it up a notch on the coolness meter. The fact that directors Peter and Michael Spierig of our favorite cult movie UNDEAD created this vampire world took it to the top.

If only the wait wasn’t until January 2010.

SUCK

What it is
SUCK has a cast including Iggy Pop Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins and Moby. Will-work-in-anything these days actors Malcolm McDowell and Dave Foley are a bonus.

a group of rock ‘n’ roll wannabes in search of immortality and a record deal. Seemingly doomed to roadtrip doldrums and dives, the band The Winners break their slump when their female bass player disappears one night with a studly, stylin’ vampire. She returns charged with sexual charisma that creates audience frenzy and eventually ensnares the rest of the band. Their “hook” launches them to fame. But fame turns out to be a different kind of Hell than AC/DC promised.

With a “hook” so simple and pure, we *want* to like SUCK. The trailer, however, leaves only two options possible: So Bad It’s Good or So Bad it’s Horrible. Please, Mr. Stefaniuk, tell us you fight for the side of good.

TRANSYLMANIA

What it is
A wacky group of college students attend school in the wilds of Transylvania. Our brain hurts now. TRANSYLMANIA‘s red band trailer will tell the rest.

Zombies

ZOMBIELAND

What it is
We hear ZOMBIELAND is filled with gory hilarity. It’s the American SHAUN OF THE DEAD, they say. If they’re wrong, “they” are gonna have “red on them.”

SALVAGE

What it is
A strange shipping container washes ashore. Wanna take bets on it carrying an equally strange pseudo-zombie(possibly Alien-esque) plague with it?

SALVAGE does not seem to have an official site. Dread Central gives it 4 out of 5 steak knives. That’s got to count for something.

20 WEIRDEST ZOMBIE MOVIES EVER MADE

What it is
Straight from the non-beating heart of the zombie king, and @largeheartedboy, comes a list that dares categorize the unthinkable. Zombie movies. That’s 20 weird zombie movies just for you. Just above this text we picked a little movie that has a special place in keeping us awake at night. NIGHT OF THE CREEPS scared the bejeezus out of us in the late 80s. Alien parasites that enter through the mouth and lay eggs in your brain making you stumble around campus while dead tend to have that affect.

Werewolves

Sad little WOLFMAN sitting all alone.
The release is February 2010.
So for this Halloween, you’re boned.

Bonus Monster: Ghouls

For that/those faithful reader/s generous enough to stick around and actually scan this humble post, we give you DEADGIRL. We don’t know what it’s about but the trailer worked its magic. We really need to know more.

Related posts:

1. 2 for Tuesday Tease: THE BOOK OF ZOMBIE
2. Science Fact: Vampires Can’t Exist, Zombies Would Destroy Us All
3. Ultraviolet must always equal vampires
4. Tuesday Tease: The Price of COLIN
5. Tuesday Tease: EXTRACT has Nuts…er…