Official Synopsis: Aliens have landed. They’ve mutated the police. They’ve come for our women. Ash Williams Duke Nukem is here to stop all of the nonsense and maybe take in a strip show while he’s at it.

What We Learned: It looks like Duke Nukem but the fact it has a release date and no one else is laughing confuses us.

Why We’ll Play: Holy hell. It is 1996 and we’re finally getting used to playing PC games with a mouse. Friends come by the apartment to visit.

“You’ve got to play this game!” they say.

“You kill aliens and pay strippers to get naked!” they howl.

We scoff at their naivete. ‘A video game would never dare be that awesome,’ we think. Aside from that Leisure Suit Larry game our strange college roommate played every day in his locked room, games would never be on the brutally action-flavored side of misogyny.

We failed to realize how wrong we could be.

The copy of Duke Nukem 3D that made its way into our hands and (then)archaic computer consumed every bit of spare time we could muster. After we finished the game, the networked co-op play made sure we stayed indoors for another 3 months.

The news quickly spread that Duke Nukem Forever was coming. We saved up the cash and marked the time until it would appear. Twelve years, and a metric ton of vaporware jokes later, this Duke Nukem Forever NSFW trailer made its way into our eyeballs. And it brought the 12 year old remix of Lo Fidelity Allstars remix of “Battle Flag“(equally NSFW) with it.

This trailer looks like everything we would expect from a Duke Nukem game released in the 21st century. However, we still don’t believe the fucking thing is coming out.

When’s it coming?
June 14, 2011 USA, supposedly.
June 10, 2011 Internationally.

Official site:
http://www.dukenukemforever.com

Read the rest of this entry »