Maybe I?m a bit slow in realizing this but I think the Borg were introduced into the Star Trek universe as a way to open the door to kinky sex. Every other mainstream science fiction already had its kink well in place.
Star Wars featured a giant 10 ft tall slug that kept princesses tied up and wearing two-piece slave bikini armor for his amusement. Nothing says kink like a worm chaining up half naked women.
Babylon 5 had a character that liked watching Pak’ma’ra (bipedal Cthulhu like critters) porn. Nothing says kink like tentacled carrion eating aliens “going at it” for the camera.
Star Trek offered no such opportunities. Sure, they had Worf hook up with various non-Klingons but if I?m remembering correctly, they were both killed. Leaving Worf operating solo.
Hell, Vulcan men save it up for 7 long years before they are compelled to knock up the first female Vulcan they see. After that long a wait, their twitchiness is more than logical. There?s no mention to what Vulcan women do to satisfy their urges. Maybe they have gigantic, undulating lesbian orgies in secret underground temples.
Captain Kirk. He had a predilection for the “green ladies” but painting yourself green and belly dancing around the room is not what I call kinky. Arousing, sure. But a long ways from kink. Unless you give that green lady a whip and hip boots, then stuff Jim Kirk’s mouth with that gimp ball. A severely disturbing image I’m sure, but it would have been Star Trek’s first foray into counterculture. Now that’s “boldly going where no Man has been before.”
All of these thoughts flowed into my head after watching Star Trek: First Contact early in the morning. Halfway into the movie I thought, ?This flick?s all about The Federation resisting their kink urges.? Don?t believe me? Hear me out.
The Universe as they know it
All the people in the Star Trek universe are hyper organized anthills. They go about their duties all prim and proper. They say cordial Hello?s and Good Bye?s to friends and foes alike. On the off chance there is a hook up, it?s all about the overly romantic whining?er? wining and dining until eventually, I?m taking a wild guess on this one, some straight from the book ?missionary lovin??. The world of kink doesn?t even blip on the view screen.
Enter the Borg
Quoting directly from the Borg Queen, ?But we evolved to include the synthetic. Now we use both[flesh and metal] to attain perfection. Your goal should be the same as ours.? As those honey soaked words tripped off her tongue I was shocked that she didn?t slip right out of her form fitting Borg suit. Data, bound but not gagged, resisted until she gave him a conduit… flesh. Then she gave him a taste of her kink. After some 8 years of not getting any, Data switched sides without hesitation.
Enter the Captain, the paragon of virtue. On sight of the Captain, Data reverted back to his non-kink programming (perhaps some visually activated viral worm) and rejoined the kinkless Federation. The ?white hats? of all that is pure and plain.
The moral of their story: Vanilla sex is the only way to rule The Universe.
Surrender to Kink
The Borg simply wanted to give the Federation stiffs an alternative. Who can argue with detachable extensions, laser eyes that peer into the soul, and a metal and leather loving dominatrix queen who can control mechanics with a nod of her head. The Borg offered tranhumanist speciated kink and the Federation throws it back in their faces.
Mundanity wins again.
Now that I’ve thought on it, that Jim Kirk gimp ball would have been a godsend. It would have kept his mouth shut for half an episode. I have way too many thoughts in the morning.
(This article is to be taken with mass quantities of salt. Inserting a tongue firmly in cheek wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Especially if that cheek belongs to Gina Torres or Vicky Pratt.)
