Some stuff that doesn?t fit in any set category.
Seth McFarlane, what in the fuck?
I watched your new show American Dad last night.
…
You never expected Family Guy to get another chance on that horror known as Fox, did you? You obviously didn?t. Cause the new show is just a Bizarro Family Guy. The dad?s super conservative instead of on the fence liberal. The daughter?s strong instead of weak. The son?s smart instead of an imbecile. Stewie?s a fat alien. Brian is a fish with a German guy’s brain. The Mom, well let?s just say, ?she?s no Lois,? and leave it at that. The jokes are the same but not as funny.
I?m in no way knocking what you did with Family Guy or what you could do in the future. AD was only a pilot episode. Let?s face it, most pilot episodes suck balls. It?s because of these things that I?ll give your new gig a few more viewings.
But come on, Seth. May I call you Seth?
Seth, honestly, what the fuck?
Don?t change the fish though. He makes me laugh.
Not that there?s anything wrong with that
On the whole Spongebob is gay thing. Hey, crazy people?
He?s a fucking TALKING SPONGE that lives in a PINEAPPLE under the damn SEA!
He has no penis.
He has no vagina.
He does have an ass which, when I think on it, is disturbing since he doesn?t have the previously mentioned organs.
In the end, though, he… just… fucking… is.
Please drop the subject and read some Dr. Spock. And, oh, try some parenting for once.
How did that happen?
I saw the elections in Iraq. I noticed the ink stained fingers of the proud voters. I realize that it is the first time any of them have a choice. I consider that voting in Baghdad can be a lesson in mortality. I look at all of this and I can?t help but to think: Can good things come from fucked actions?
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So the road to Heaven must but lined with twisted reasoning and lies.
All I know is, whenever I commit a fucked action (rarely on purpose) I get fucked over every time. So how did we escape being fucked?
I?ll have to think on this a while longer.
Self-fornication
I?ve got my interview with Inside the Actors Studio?s, James Lipton all planned out. After I?m done with all the bullshit and smoke being blown up my ass for 110 minutes, this is how I?d answer those ?famous? questions:
James Lipton: What sound or noise do you hate?
Groonk: The sound of foam packing peanuts being rubbed together. I swear that when I hear that noise, I want to climb the wall and ram those annoying non-biodegradable bits of floatsam down that peanut crunchers throat.
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
G: “Yes.”
JL: What is your least favorite word?
G: ?No, you dumb schmuck.?
JL: What turns you on?
G: Music with Angelina Jolie on a midsummer?s night. There would be wine and cheese and moonlight reflecting off our yacht.
JL: What turns you off?
G: These questions.
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
G: “Fuck!”
True story…
My friend 7d once ran a google search on my site (before groonk.net was an international sensation) and it found 87 fucks over the course of 2 years. I said, ?There must be something wrong. Cause on a good day, I can say ?fuck? 87 times within the space of a network commercial.?
[Uproarious brown-nosing laughter cascades from the mouths of the nation?s future creative minds.]
[I scan the audience for hot, up and coming young ing?nues who ache for that special part in my movie.]
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
G: ?Not bad. Not bad at all.?
