LOST returns tonight with “Not in Portland.” That’s rude. I know I’m not in Portland. I have idiots from my past reminding me about that every other day. I don’t need a nationally broadcast show to rub it in as well.
This works just like the notes on “The Cost of Living.” Everything is observation and guesswork and snarky comments I make on my second viewing of the LOST episode in question. These notes are from the LOST episode “I Do” which played 3 months ago in the year 2006 on a raft set adrift in the ocean of confusion miles from the island of common sense.
Seriously, ABC, is it so hard to follow the programming schedule that 24 has successfully adopted? I mean, FOX figured out how to make that work. You want to be known as the company outwitted by FOX?
Reminder: This is informal. Not meant to be prose ’cause it’s only the internets.
LOST “I Do”(official wiki plot summary here)
What will be done? Is it marriage?(That’s too obvious.) Will Jack willingly heal Ben’s(who I am told the fans are calling Benry so from here on out that’s what I’ll call him because who am I to argue with thousands of RLF’s) rather convenient tumor? One can only hope that the answer is in the show.
Cold Opening
Flashback: Kate has bad hair and she’s up to something, again. How is it she looks plain and hum drum in the “real world” yet on that island she’s hotter than the devil in a church on a Sunday? Maybe The Island gives off hotness vibes that she absorbs readily.
Looks like it’s getting married.
The officer sounds like Captain Tightpants. It is Capt. Tightpants aka Nathan Fillion aka a very lucky man(as Kate jumps in Fillion’s arms).
PRESENT
Sawyer’s broken. Kate’s trying to fix him.
Jack is consulting Benry on his tumor.
Benry is extra trusting for some reason.
Jack’s not the fool I thought. It’s about time he stopped whining about his ex wife.
Act One
FLASHBACK
Kate and Tightpants are naked and basking in afterglow. Nathan Fillion is a very, VERY lucky man and he’s the groom in question.
Kate has yet another alias. Tightpants is “Kevin.”
PRESENT
Kate’s got wonderful green eyes.
Eko’s still dead and that stinks to high heaven.
Locke’s taken to lying about Eko’s cause of death. Sayid takes note.
Sayid questions Locke about what really killed Eko and Locke tells the truth, such as it is.
So there are other Others as the damn spoiler sites and news folk have mentioned(I’m tired of their noise telling me things before they happen if I want to be spoiled, I’ll look it up on my own.).
And Rosseau’s possible daughter is fighting wars with slingshots and she’s in love with the dude that tried to save Sawyer.
Act Two
PRESENT
Kate looks fine breaking rocks. Is there anything that woman does not look fine doing?
Juliet and Benry are scheming and are gonna use Jack’s love for Kate in their favor. They’re also using Kate’s love for Sawyer against her. Oh what a tangled web we write Lindeloff and Cruse.
FLASHBACK
Kate’s hot in a wedding dress. At least she’s keeping true to her theme of super hotness.
Is this before or after Kate’s bank heist incident? Does she really love Capt Tightpants?
The preacher called Kate honest. HAH!
PRESENT
Jack and Kate see each other for the first time. And they meet at just the right moment to confuse Kate and give Jack a happy. Gotta love the basics of drama.
Jack’s mad at everybody now.
Kate’s hanging on by a thread of hope. Not something she’s prone to doing.
Benry underestimates jack’s rage, especially since they’re blackmailing Jack using Sawyer as bait. Would it not have made more sense to blackmail jack with Kate’s life? The sacrifices of drama is the loss of good common sense.
Act three
FLASHBBACK
Plain Kate shops for food and flirts at the speed of a cell phone call.
She’s definitely up to something. The dark phone calls on rainy streets is a dead giveaway.
Kate really is in love with Tightpants, what irony. Why she calls the FBI man is anyone’s guess. I’m guessing she’s sabotaging her gig with Tightpants despite her professed want to settle down.
PRESENT
Danny’s gonna be a problem. I wonder if that will be solved by episode’s end.
What a picturesque Mystery Island funeral.
And an equally picturesque “revelation shot†of Eko’s prayer stick.
“LIFT UP YOUR EYES AND LOOK NORTH” –John 3:05
Other bits visible to me:
GEN 13:14 (to left of revealing quote)
LUKE(at top of stick)
4:8:15(chapter name obscured)
hael(?) 1:83(I can’t quite make this one out)
Locke knows his bible or he’s taking meaning that we don’t know yet.
Sawyer and Jack agree about something.
Holy Damn. Color me stupid. She’s relating Sawyer to Tightpants. Two men she actually “loves.”
Do they really have time for hanky panky in polar bear cages?(seconds later) Damn. I guess they do. And she likes to be tied up. Kate’s kinky… nice.
And with that, Sawyer is officially “hitting that.”(or Kate is “hitting that” depends on POV, I suppose.
Act four
FLASHBACK
Kate’s all domestic and shut. I never pictured her for that role.
Ok, either Tightpants is dying or the FBI man Edwards is coming in and busting up the house and garden motif or she’s gonna run…again.
She’s so gonna run.
PRESENT
The Others have to be watching all this Sawyer/Kate nakedness. If they are, they’re closet perverts.
Huh, Sawyer said those three damnable words to Kate.
Jack’s got a secret friend in the Others base camp.
Jack just misses seeing Kate and Sawyer’s after glow in the monitors(top monitor, middle screen) as he backs out and leaves The Others secret jack-off station. Damn missed revelations.
Jack’s got a gun but not a rifle.
Oops. He sees them now.
Benry looks like hell.
WTF is Jack up to now? Ahh Jack’s all about Jack now. The first non-hero thing I can remember him doing.
Act Five
PRESENT
Ok they really don’t give a damn anymore cause they got dressed and cuddled in Sawyer’s “cage.”
FLASHBACK
Kate’s not preggers. I wonder if she had a Bride thing going on? Meaning that she only wanted to settle cause she didn’t want to raise a kid on the run.
Kate’s poisoned Tightpants drink, I bet.
Kate told Tightpants the truth. HAH She’s not all domestic after all.
I knew she poisoned him. Man, girls always make Tightpants sleepy he didn’t even kiss her this time.
PRESENT
Jack’s channeling anger. How funny. Jack’s usually the calm one and Sawyers angry. Is funny how “getting a little” changes people’s perspective.
Who is this Alex person? Ah, Alex has to be the French woman’s long lost baby, the girl with the slingshot. I wonder if Alex is Benry and the French Woman’s child.
So they don’t watch Sawyer and Kate all the time. I knew Danny was gonna be a problem, waving guns around and crap.
Sawyer wasn’t on the list of people they wanted.
Jack’s making a play. How bold of him.
Sawyer let go…love really does make you do the wacky.
The Others give a damn about Ben.
Jack’s heroic after all and still clever.
Kate’s being fucking annoying. Jack hands her an escape and she’s sitting there arguing with him about the color of the sky.
