Groonkly Bits

GREY’S ANATOMY did the thinkable. They made me bump a villain to next week. So I’m sitting there, minding my own business and avoiding important projects by watching the nation’s fascination, GREY’S ANATOMY.

Then they hang an old man’s grapefruit-sized swollen balls from the top of my TV set. The shock tactic: 1) stunned my primetime watching eyes, 2) made me laugh uncontrollably for two minutes flat, and 3) made me wonder, “How did they get this past the Inscrutable Censors?

The Inscrutable Censors are the mysterious lot that make morality judgments for us so that we don’t have to. The ICs tend to bring incredibly useless and laughable notes on what qualifies as decent to new levels of the absurd. Yet these same folk decided seeing Candiru-Infected Old Man Balls was the one thing they’d let slip through their bulldog grip.

I’m not sure whether I should thank them, cause the comedy of that scene was worth dealing with the 40 minutes of whiny, pretty doctors that followed, or hate them because, yikes, Candiru-Infected Old Man Balls was just on my TV.

There are few who aren’t scarred by that sight. They live in the dark corners of the internet. They are teh ones who thin a woman, wearing high heels, furiously stomping her foot inside a flushing toilet is an excitable thing. I fear any recognition of their dark desires will only embolden their cause and eventually topple society as we know it.

Then again, comedy is comedy. Even if it’s a cheap easy gag. Hell, it worked for SOMETHING ABOUT MARY.

Since the villain I had lined up for today has a long shelf life and anything GREY’S ANATOMY will be old hat by the weekend, the ANATOMY Team will have to take one for the team and be evil.

I could give GA permanent villain status for wasting Sara Ramirez‘s genius talent on a weekly basis. I recently learned she was in Spamalot: The Musical. Correction, she *owned* Spamalot: The Musical whenever she hit the stage.

Yeah, wasting talent definitely makes them evil.

No Comments | In: Television, Villain of the Week | | #

LOST returns tonight with “Not in Portland.” That’s rude. I know I’m not in Portland. I have idiots from my past reminding me about that every other day. I don’t need a nationally broadcast show to rub it in as well.

This works just like the notes on “The Cost of Living.” Everything is observation and guesswork and snarky comments I make on my second viewing of the LOST episode in question. These notes are from the LOST episode “I Do” which played 3 months ago in the year 2006 on a raft set adrift in the ocean of confusion miles from the island of common sense.

Seriously, ABC, is it so hard to follow the programming schedule that 24 has successfully adopted? I mean, FOX figured out how to make that work. You want to be known as the company outwitted by FOX?

Reminder: This is informal. Not meant to be prose ’cause it’s only the internets.

What will be done? Is it marriage?(That’s too obvious.) Will Jack willingly heal Ben’s(who I am told the fans are calling Benry so from here on out that’s what I’ll call him because who am I to argue with thousands of RLF’s) rather convenient tumor? One can only hope that the answer is in the show.

Cold Opening

Flashback: Kate has bad hair and she’s up to something, again. How is it she looks plain and hum drum in the “real world” yet on that island she’s hotter than the devil in a church on a Sunday? Maybe The Island gives off hotness vibes that she absorbs readily.

Looks like it’s getting married.

The officer sounds like Captain Tightpants. It is Capt. Tightpants aka Nathan Fillion aka a very lucky man(as Kate jumps in Fillion’s arms).

PRESENT
Sawyer’s broken. Kate’s trying to fix him.

Jack is consulting Benry on his tumor.

Benry is extra trusting for some reason.

Jack’s not the fool I thought. It’s about time he stopped whining about his ex wife.

…

No Comments | In: Television | | #

The full realization in February.

No Comments | In: Television | | #

The second might of ROME has re-conquered HBO and I am very pleased. Atia‘s scheming may soon take a back seat to son Octavian’s quiet genius. Brutus may not recover from the recent tyrannicide of Julius Ceasar. Mark Antony will not rise from bed until he has fucked someone. Oh to live the life of the ancient playa that is Antony.

The most important bit about ROME’s final return(HBO will pay dearly for ending ROME in this second season) is Titus Pullo(above right) and Lucius Vorenus(above left). The baddest badasses of badassery(see above). All technical terms, I assure you.

They take on scores of highwaymen, by themselves, and come through the battle victorious, barely scathed. They handle the roman equivalent of a mafia with the same results(again, seen above). They epitomize, my History Channel knowledge of the actual, factual Rome, what it is to be the boldest, shit-kicking-est mutherpuckers the Roman army can turn out.

Vorenus is having a time of it these days. His wife, Niobe, committed suicide before he could murder her. There’s a whole thing about being gone for 8 years at war and she, thinking Vorenus dead, did what any sane person would do and moved on with her life. That moving-on included having a son not from Vorenus’ loins. Vorenus was not happy about that.

Titus, the wandering thug turned roman private first class. He killed his slave’s lover on impulse. Then he convinces her to marry him instead. This after her numerous attempts to avenge her dead love with many attempts on Titus’ life. But for all of Titus’ murderous thuggery, he’s loyal til the end to Vorenus and to Rome, in that order.

Why do I like ROME? Gods, I don’t know. It may be the vicarious viciousness. It could be because the roman senate is lousy with politicking. A kind of interesting and literal bloodthristy politicking. I’m betting it’s because it is badass enough to keep my attention every week. And… I’m afraid of it. If I happen to miss an episode, the might of Rome, in the guise of HBO suits, will come for me in the night and I will go the way of Ceasar last season.

Then all anyone will think to say of my passing will be, “Sic Semper Tyrannus.”

*The History Channel has taught me that the Romans did not limit their slave-having to the simple color of their skin. They were equal opportunity. The dominated where promptly enslaved. Theirs was a higher form of human oppression.

No Comments | In: Television | | #

I watch NIP/TUCK.

Make all your jokes now cause I sure as hell can’t hear them.

Done? Good.

The weird thing about this show is that it’s completely and utterly weird. It’s American yet telenovela-esque. It’s out of its damn mind and sometimes poignant. It’s schlocky most times but I watch it just the same.

The best thing about shows like this is they can do odd little numbers like have various members of the main cast mime an entire song like a REM video gone terribly mainstream and still manage to get away scott free. Maybe not guilt free but definitely scott free.

Now,thanks to NIP/TUCK, I know about The Submarines and I’m gonna buy their album before my Christmas break. I’m gonna buy them all up.

No Comments | In: Television | | #

There is this thing I do a thing when I watch a TV show or movie or read a book. I over-analyze the crap out of it. If the TV show or movie kicks all sorts of ass, I try to figure out how they did it and make a mental note to use it in the future. Books get an instant mental edit as I read them. My read time doubles if the damn thing is atrocious. If the book is especially good or funny I make a note on that style. Basically, if any story stinks, I try to figure out what they did wrong and what I would have done to do it right.

Middle of the road tales get no memories or re-edits. They get chuckles that fade as soon as they’ve begun.

A few years ago, I had a class on the history of World War II in film. We watched various films and compared the stories to real historical facts. When I saw these films in class, I made notes. They were to be my touchstones so that I wouldn’t be working with nothing but empty memories when the weekly papers were due.

LOST is more complex than most mainstream shows. Two and a third seasons into their run I’ve decided to create physical notes as well as mental ones. I don’t have any papers due. I just want my own touchstones to what in hell is going on on that island.

These notes are not fully formed thoughts. They will not summarize the episode in detail. They are immediate reactions to what’s happening on screen or in the story. These bits are the gist to what I’ve gained from the episode. At times it will seem like I hate LOST.

I don’t.

I’m merely taking a step away from the fantasy in order to keep a semi-objective view on what’s going on. You always tease the things things/ones you love most.

I’ve found that making notes on virgin episodes take me out of the story. We can’t have that. I’ve decided to jot things down on the second viewing instead. This is what I did with the episode “The Cost of Living.”

Read the random typings of a madman. Try not to go crazy in the process.

Notes for “The Cost of Living” are after the jump.

…

No Comments | In: Television | | #

This is part of the beginning sequence of Battlestar Galactica. Most sources say it’s the Gayatri mantra taken from Rigveda.

“OM bhür bhuvah svah tat savitur varënyam bhargö dëvasya dhïmahi dhiyö yö nah pracödayät”

Which, I’m “told“, loosely translates to:

“May we attain that excellent glory of Savitri the Goddess / so May she stimulate our prayers.”

Are you watching the 3rd season of Galactica? If you aren’t and are reading this, gods, you damn well should be.

This is from someone who once hated the show for completely superflous reasons. I got over that. And I’m so much better for it.

No Comments | In: Quotes, Television | tags: Add new tag, battlestar galatica. | #

not exactly my best work but…it’ll do for now (1680×1050)

Battlestar Galactica starts in a few hours. I hear tell there are Frak Parties in the offing around the nation globe. I’m not invited to any but that’s ok. Shows like this I can’t watch amongst a mob of people. It’s just too fucking distracting.

What I do have is a DVR, a bit of free time, and a beer. It’s the simple things really.

Don’t forget, there should be instant commentary after the 3rd season premiere is over.

» Ronald D Moore commentary podcast

But before that…

Rose Tyler and the freshily bodied 10th Doctor take on werewolves and a feisty, none amused, Queen Victoria. Also, the Torchwood institute gets a purpose.

The Doctor is Dramatic

No Comments | In: My Desktop, Television | tags: battlestar galatica. | #

Did anyone else see last night’s Deadwood? Did anyone new notice the pure awesome that show provides? Trixie’s reaction to Hearst’s latest deviltry amused me to no end.

The fallout from her itchy triggerfinger answered my main question as to why no one else in the camp has attempted similiar means to his end. Though I’m sure no one else could have played asassin with an equal amount of distraught, anger and sex.

Swearengen playing mother hen to each calamity was just as amusing. And Brian Cox’s “Langrishe” well he continually impresses me with each passing episode.

Whenever some critic or the like talks about Deadwood, they fail to mention how “roll on the floor” funny the show is. Sure you have your varied curses, whorehouse massacres, and the random eye being pulled out of the socket, but my gods, man, the show has just as much comedy inside.

DORITY: “I guess on someone wasn’t crippled that’d look like giving me the bird.”
JEWEL: “Here’s a double from someone who is.”

Genius lives in that series, kids. Pure, unadulterated, genius.

No Comments | In: Television, Too Many Thoughts | | #

The year is 2006. An asteroid has crashed into the moon blasting it to three huge chunks of chaos. Time passes, and humanity is cast not in ruin, but in great amounts of insanity. The moon ended as they knew it but it did not end life completely. Now everyone on earth is acting a little bit crazy because another big chunk of la luna may fall and cause true earthly disaster. By a little bit crazy I mean they’re living life as if it may end tomorrow, because it just might. That is the premise of Three Moons over Milford.

I’m not sure what ABC Family has been drinking but I’m damn sure they should chug more down. First we get the deceptively good Kyle XY(see tomorrow for thoughts on this), then we get this neat and wacky premise for an hour long comedy-drama. When did cable TV get so brave with their programming schedule? And on a family channel no less.

Obviously the theme of the show is to live life to the fullest, cause you never know when the world will end. The whole near destruction of the moon idea leads to brilliant symbolism and a way to visually back up the theme.

Other shows that deal with a damaged moon come to mind. In Cowboy Bebop an accident with three dimensional travel took a huge chunk of the moon and scattered its bits into near Earth orbit. That led to semi-constant moon rock showers. Thundarr‘s premise dealt with a runaway planet merely passing between the Earth and moon’s orbit. That near-miss led to sorcery, newfound magic-hating barbarians, and moks.

Three Moons over Milford probably won’t step into those bounds. Although, in the pilot, the school was burned down because a group of teen wiccans tried to cast a spell to heal the moon. It failed, of course, but again, oh the story possibilities that abound.

No Comments | In: Television | | #