Groonkly Bits

I’m going to the parents for the annual ritual sacrifice celebration and, gods be with me, pie and turkey dressing. My mom makes a turkey dressing that you would kill your mom to eat. Once you mix that with her tender cooked bird, potato salad, and buttered rolls, you have yourself heaven on a plate. But goddamn if it isn’t worth the 10 pounds of holiday weight gain.

Most others call this ritual Thanksgiving. Today, I’m gonna calling a shovel a spade.

Going home tends to affect me in ways I can never fully describe. For one thing, I haven’t consistently lived in my parents house for over a decade, yet I always catch myself calling it home. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s mostly weird and unsettling. It’s unsettling because I’ve not made a home for myself and I don’t have any clear ideas where that home would be or how I’ll ever achieve it.

It’s weird cause everything in and around the homestead insists on staying smaller than I remember them being. And I’ll be damned if it doesn’t still feel like home.

I have a hope that thanksgiving will cure me of this can’t-give-a-fuck malaise that’s come over my thoughts the last month or so. At the very least it’ll temporarily stomp those bastard thoughts down. That way I can play at being a full human for, roughly, another 3 months.

I haven’t felt human in some time. This explains my lack of posting in this section. You try saying crap when you feel there’s nothing left in the world to say.

Enjoy the Thanksgiving, those who dare celebrate it. Give thanks for the food. Give thanks for the parents who continue to treat you like you’re 8 years old and just peed in the bathwater. Watch HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS cause it’s the best damn Thanksgiving movie that’s ever violated my eyes. Give a thought to the indigenous folk who kept this land warm for the future America.

And remember to ignore the whole parent-thing cause most likely they still love you and they best show that love these days by nagging you half to death every chance they get. Doubly so on holidays.

Go eat some bird and hug some people, America. And pray to whomever you believe that I get my pie and dressing.

No Comments | In: Holidays, Too Many Thoughts | | #

I’ve seen this list before but MedicMike reminded me of its funny and truth:

1) When it appears that you have killed the monster, never get within arms reach to check to see if it’s dead. A rifle shot to the head from 5 feet away should do the trick.
2) NEVER read ancient script on an item aloud, unless you’re absolutely sure you know what it does.
3) NEVER EVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, not even as a joke.
4) Do NOT search the basement, under any circumstances, especially if the power has gone out. Also, stay out of the attic. Nuthin in there but dust, cobwebs and creepy things.
5) If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, kill them immediately. It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.

For the rest follow the jump:

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Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Triskaidekaphilia is a website about the love of the number 13. Also, it’s a fun word to say.

But enough about that.

Today’s brand celebrates Friday the 13th. It’s leap years better than the last Friday the 13th brand, mostly cause the new one has atmosphere(sound effects) engineered by me.

The body image comes straight from Crystal Lake.

Effects, I dub thee “The Witch in the Woods.”

The Witch in the Woods

You can hear that silly ole witch if you click on that little play symbol above.

No Comments | In: Branding, Holidays | | #

International Talk Like a Pirate Day 2006 be here, mateys!

Ye may be wonderin what this wee beastie featured below yer scurvy cover’d eyes has t’ do with pirates. An if ye be wonderin…ye have no place in t’ pirate world.

arrr!

Here be some of me favorite parrrsonal shots of pirates:

   

And one honarrrble mention which is now me favorite button…ever.

No Comments | In: Groonk: In Absence of Words, Holidays, Too Many Thoughts | tags: piratey, talk like a pirate. | #

Happy 2006 all!

I survived it with a decent buzz and a good feeling.

How’d yours fair?

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For me!!

…youre not old as long as you can remember where your nuts are.

There! Just for a minute , didn’t you forget all about having a birthday?

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3 and a half hours until 32.

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…it isn’t very long…and you can’t hear it because this site isn’t audio capable(yet) and because you don’t have full access to The Internet yet but here it is anyway.

That’s my replacement to the infamous Happy Birthday song.

I’m thinking it’ll make a mint.

Everyone say it with me, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Groonk’s mom!”

The thought still counts…right?

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I return in the New Year.

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Odd Todd’s latest.

Then look at last year’s.

Or maybe the year before that.

Third time really is the charm.

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