{"id":7601,"date":"2009-08-19T15:40:43","date_gmt":"2009-08-19T21:40:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/?p=7601"},"modified":"2009-08-19T20:07:48","modified_gmt":"2009-08-20T02:07:48","slug":"science-fact-vampires-cant-exist-zombies-would-destroy-us-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/2009\/08\/science-fact-vampires-cant-exist-zombies-would-destroy-us-all\/","title":{"rendered":"Science Fact: Vampires Can’t Exist, Zombies Would Destroy Us All"},"content":{"rendered":"

You gotta love it when hard science investigates geek conversations to their logical ends. Months ago @joshmull<\/a> shared an I09 article wherein physicists prove vampires couldn’t exist<\/a>. It was an entertaining thought. We kept it in drafts until the day was right to expose the dark conspiracy. Then the day came when BBC News informs Canadian scientists have pondered the realities of the “zombie apocalypse.” That’s when it was certain the noted draft had become a publishable thing.<\/p>\n

Physicists Prove That Vampires Could Not Exist<\/strong>
\n\"Planet<\/a>Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi’s paper “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality” offers a full explanation.<\/p>\n

Efthimiou and Gandhi conduct a thought experiment: Assume that the first vampire <\/a>appeared on January 1, 1600. At that time, according to data available at the U.S. Census website, the global population was 536,870,911. Efthimiou and Gandhi calculate that, once the Nosferatu feeding frenzy began, the entire human race would have been wiped out by June 1602<\/a> …<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you like this sort of thoughtless, thought experimentation(as we do) you’ll get a kick out of the entire article<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Then, as there always must be these days, there were zombies.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\nScience ponders ‘zombie attack’ <\/strong>
\n\"Zombie<\/a>If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.<\/p>\n

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada. <\/p>\n

[…]their analysis revealed that a strategy of capturing or curing the zombies would only put off the inevitable.<\/p>\n

In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”<\/a>.<\/p>\n

They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Damn right! Now you’re talking our language: calculated violence. A well aimed baseball bat(or katana if you can get your hands on one) equals the coldest equation. We’ve read World War Z<\/em><\/a>. We’ve eyed The Zombie Survival Guide<\/a><\/em> at our local Barnes and Noble. We’re more than ready to battle the meandering hordes born from Z Day.<\/p>\n

(via @joshmull<\/a>, I09<\/a>, BBC news<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You gotta love it when hard science investigates geek conversations to their logical ends. Months ago @joshmull shared an I09 article wherein physicists prove vampires couldn’t exist. It was an entertaining thought. We kept it in drafts until the day was right to expose the dark conspiracy. Then the day came when BBC News informs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,73],"tags":[1430,1087,24,4928,1260,983,1429,753,10,584],"class_list":["post-7601","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-science","category-versus","tag-i09","tag-live-for-science-die-for-science","tag-myth","tag-science","tag-the-zombie-point-of-view","tag-things-scientists-say-before-the-dolphins-mysteriously-disappear","tag-thought-experiments","tag-vampires","tag-weird","tag-zombies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7601","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7601"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7601\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7601"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7601"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7601"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}