{"id":963,"date":"2006-06-27T22:18:30","date_gmt":"2006-06-27T22:18:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/groonk.net\/bits\/?p=963"},"modified":"2006-06-27T22:18:30","modified_gmt":"2006-06-27T22:18:30","slug":"the-day-i-saw-ultraviolet-or-i-paid-money-for-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/?p=963","title":{"rendered":""The Day I saw Ultraviolet" or "I Paid Money for This?!""},"content":{"rendered":"

“Ultraviolet<\/a>” was released onto an unsuspecting DVD <\/a>world today.<\/p>\n

\"gnet-ultraviolet.gif\"<\/div>\n

Feh.<\/p>\n

I could waste your time and mine by going into a movie rage over the horror I felt when I realized that I just pissed away $10 on a cool February evening. Flushed right down the proverbial drain never to be seen again.<\/p>\n

But instead of boring you(and me) with the many, MANY reasons why “Ultraviolet<\/a>” sucked(and really shouldn’t have because I have such a crush on “Equilibrium<\/a>” that it ain’t close to funny). I’ve compiled a list of things I could have done instead of spending $8.25 on this travesty. The list is short because I didn’t break down the time wasted into billable hours. As everyone should already know, my time is priceless.<\/p>\n

»<\/strong> I could have bought 4 issues of Fell<\/a>. For 64 pages, I would have lived in the feral city of Snowtown. I would solve the crimes<\/a> no one else wants to cause no one else cares. I’d have a crazy bartender sorta girlfriend who’d brand me with a “magic” symbol in order to protect me from the dreggs of Snowtown.<\/p>\n

Inside Fell<\/em>, my life would be anything but uninteresting.<\/p>\n

\"fell-1---4.gif\"
the real city without pity<\/a> <\/div>\n

»<\/strong> I could have bought 3 soul-shatteringly tasty Chocolate Eclair milkeshakes from Cheeburger Cheeburger<\/a>. Then I’d take Sophia Myles<\/a> on the town afterwards because that’s what I promised<\/a>. The Doctor<\/a> could come, too. We’d need someone to drive.<\/p>\n

\"F*cking<\/a> \"F*cking<\/a> \"F*cking<\/a>
i’d sell your mom for one of these <\/div>\n

»<\/strong> I could have had 1 shot of deer’s blood with a side of beer. Then I could piss away my money all proper-like.<\/p>\n

\"jagerguiness.gif\"
who wants licorice <\/div>\n

»<\/strong> “The Big Lebowski<\/a>” could have been boght in the discount DVD bin at Sam’s for a modest 8 bucks. A recent re-viewing of Lebowski puts it in the top 5 of my Coen Brothers<\/a> favorites.<\/p>\n

\"foreignlebowski.gif\"
always keep it simple. if it’s one thing i learned in ‘Nam. <\/a><\/div>\n

Editor’s note:<\/strong> Kurt Wimmer<\/a>, if you happen to ego surf and land on this NSH bit of noise…feel free to contact me<\/a>. I loved the heck out of “Equilibrium<\/a>” and I’m dumbfounded by how you can go from that bit of awesome to “Ultra-freaking-violet.”<\/p>\n

I’m just curious, man. Everybody’s allowed one bad movie. Kevin Smith’s was “Mallrats<\/a>“. Fair warning… yours is up.<\/p>\n

update:<\/strong><\/font> Dunc bought the Ultraviolet DVD. He tells me that it wasn’t that bad and that 7 minutes of character development were added to the thing. Maybe I’ll get around to watching it again just so I don’t feel so cheated and disappointed. Breath holding is not recommended.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Ultraviolet” was released onto an unsuspecting DVD world today. Feh. I could waste your time and mine by going into a movie rage over the horror I felt when I realized that I just pissed away $10 on a cool February evening. Flushed right down the proverbial drain never to be seen again. But instead […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=963"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/963\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}