{"id":904,"date":"2006-01-15T14:06:39","date_gmt":"2006-01-15T14:06:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/groonk.net\/bits\/?p=904"},"modified":"2006-01-15T14:06:39","modified_gmt":"2006-01-15T14:06:39","slug":"not-so-easy-delivery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/?p=904","title":{"rendered":"Not So Easy Delivery"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Based on truth.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"screenbox\">\n<li class=\"sceneheader\">INT. APARTMENT &#8211; GROONK&#8217;S LIVING ROOM<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">GROONK sits alone in his apartment. He&#8217;s zombified by his TV.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">TV MAN<\/li>\n<li class=\"parenthetical\">(O.S.)<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">&#8230;and if we take the overdrive oscillator, insert the vibrux sealing rod, and flip the switch to the on position&#8230;every bona fide woman on this Earth will spontaneously orgasm.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">TV WOMAN<\/li>\n<li class=\"parenthetical\">(O.S.)<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Oh Doctor, flip the switch. Flip the switch!!<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"parenthetical\">(to himself)<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Why do I watch this?&#8211;I need a switch like that.<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">The doorknob twists violently and the door shakes.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">The Fuck?!<\/li>\n<li class=\"parenthetical\">(beat)<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">A startled, angry Groonk opens the door to find a TOMBOYISH DELIVERY GIRL in the hallway. She reminds you of a high school lunch lady mixed with the crazy cat lady on the corner.  She&#8217;s carrying Chinese takeout.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">DELIVERY GIRL<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Speedy Chin-Easy Pizza!<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">The girl looks around the corner into the apartment.  Groonk body blocks her view.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Right. One sec.<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">Groonk reaches for a pen on the nearby counter.  The delivery girl proceeds to enter the apartment unbidden.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Woah, Woah, Woah!<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">Groonk snatches the food.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Did I say you could come in here?<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">DELIVERY GIRL<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">No, but&#8230;<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">The Delivery Girl fidgets and constantly tries to see inside the room.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Are cats, dogs, or some other fuzzy creatures falling from the sky in large amounts?  Or is it otherwise inclement in any way?<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">DELIVERY GIRL<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">No, but I&#8230;<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">Groonk signs the receipt keeping a wary eye on the strange girl. She flashes a toothless smile.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">Do you pay rent here?<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">DELIVERY GIRL<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">(unsure)<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">No?<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">Again she try&#8217;s to peer past Groonk.<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">GROONK<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">What business could you possibly have inside my apartment then?<\/li>\n<li class=\"character\">DELIVERY GIRL<\/li>\n<li class=\"dialogue\">You have any pez?<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">Groonk blankly stares at her.<\/li>\n<li class=\"action\">SLAM!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><br \/>\nAnd with this Groonk Fiction begins.<\/p>\n<p>Understand that things that happen in Groonk Fiction may sometimes rise with the foot of reality, but will ultimately come down on the foot of ficition.<\/p>\n<p>Also, I had the idea of doing this so that a layperson my be able to read it. After chatting with fellow <a href=\"http:\/\/ajgentile.typepad.com\/\">blogger AJ<\/a> I&#8217;ve decided that just won&#8217;t do. <\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re gonna do it. Do it right in the first place. Then break the rules.<\/p>\n<p>I will drop mini definitions for the random lads and lasses.<\/p>\n<p>Define:<br \/>\nO.S. = Off Screen<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Based on truth. INT. APARTMENT &#8211; GROONK&#8217;S LIVING ROOM GROONK sits alone in his apartment. He&#8217;s zombified by his TV. TV MAN (O.S.) &#8230;and if we take the overdrive oscillator, insert the vibrux sealing rod, and flip the switch to the on position&#8230;every bona fide woman on this Earth will spontaneously orgasm. TV WOMAN (O.S.) [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-groonk-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/904","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=904"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/904\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=904"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=904"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.groonk.net\/bits\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=904"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}