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November 30, 2006
When Cthulhu comes for Us All, There's Only One Way to Go
The credit to this parody belongs to Howard Hallis. May his genius continue to enlighten.
Some cultural-studies type ought to do a book on the way that the Cthulhu mythos has oozed forth from its pulp origins to become Western pop culture’s generic Nightmare From Beyond. This parody could have been written thirty years ago — Chick goes back that far and has been remarkably, er, consistent in his output — but thirty years ago only a handful of SF and fantasy fans would have recognized Cthulhu. Nowadays ol’ squid-face is all over the place; there are, ironically, plush toys.
I put it down to fantasy-role-playing games, which have reached a far larger audience than print SF or fantasy. Gamers have borrowed the Cthulhu mythos so frequently that it’s a cliché — but one which, thanks to the eerie power of Lovecraft’s imagery, never completely loses its power to send a chill down the spine. Even the mere names — the Necronomicon, Yog-Sothoth, the corpse-eaters of Leng, the Hounds of Tindalos, and of course dread Cthulhu himself — is to feel a vast and threatening darkness.
Hallis’s parody draws on a much more specific tradition. The idea of the Campus Crusade for Cthulhu as a parody of the Campus Crusade for Christ was already live when I was in college in the 1970s. But Hallis makes their point more compactly and effectively, and therein lies the real touch of genius in this piece.
Jack T. Chick’s pamphlets speak plainly the most fundamental message of Christian evangelism: believe or be damned. It’s all about fear, the induced fear that if you don’t get straight with God you will burn in Hell. Not for Chick the sugar-coating of talk about love or morality or becoming a better person. Writing for the lowest common denominator, he zeroes in on terror.
Where is the comic in its entirety?
Right here.
Check out the Galactus Jack Chick tract for more parody. It's not as delicious as the Cthulhu for Christ parody, but it's just as funny.
(via neil gaiman and armed and dangerous and YMB)
Posted by Groonk at 02:05 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Comics, Religion
KIWI! What's Stopping You?
It really is beautiful...
...in an strange surrealist fashion.
(via Fabulist and flightless YouTube and the brilliant Dony Permedi)
UPDATE: Found an interview with KIWI creator Dony Permedi.
Posted by Groonk at 12:23 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Interviews, Just Freaking Neat, Movies, Video
It's an egg. It's a spoon. It's a snapshot of the moon.
It'll stick in your head. I dare it not to.
"Eleven Saints"
(via neil gaiman and Fabulist and Jason Webley and YouTube going Wheeeeeeeee!)
Posted by Groonk at 11:14 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Just Freaking Neat, Music, Video
November 29, 2006
Billy Idol Rocks-Out Christmas!
I'm dying from awesome! Who'd think I'd live to hear Billy Idol rock-out christmas?!*
Idol's myspace gives you samples.
Billy Idol's new album "Happy Holidays" is now available for purchase through BillyIdol.net.
The track list for the album:
Frosty the Snowman
Silver Bells
Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas Baby
White Christmas
Here Comes Santa Claus
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Santa Claus Is Back In Town
Let It Snow
Winter Wonderland
Run Rudolph Run
Blue Christmas
Jingle Bell Rock
Christmas Love
Oh Christmas Tree
Silent Night
Auld Lang SyneBe one of the first five hundred people to purchase "Happy Holidays" and receive a Christmas card personally signed from Billy.
Dunc! had this thought, "Woulda been awesome if Idol took his old songs and just put Christmas words to them."
- White Wedding -> White Christmas
- Rebel Yell -> Rudolph's Bellsapples
- Monie monie -> Santa Santa
I contributed:
- Rock the Cradle of Love -> Rock the Cradle of Christmas
Still naysay the Idol Christmas groove? Watch the vid under the cut.
(via ONTD and *my complete sense of irony)
Posted by Groonk at 05:55 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Albums, Holiday, Music
"Singing in the Rain" the way George Lucas Intended
I laughed. I cried. I pissed myself silly with giddyness.
Posted by Groonk at 05:35 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Digital Share, Funny, Just Freaking Neat, Video
November 28, 2006
Penguins are Our Friends, NOT Our Enemies
I will admit there are a lot more penguins that I'm comfortable with being shown across theatres these days, but that is to be expected from the beast-thing that is Hollywood. You make a hit with cake pans as the key element and there are gonna be several clone bake pan movies out over the next 5 years.
But this is some silly shit here:
Washington, D.C. -- Not content with their annual discussion of a supposed "War on Christmas," conservative talking heads have taken on a new issue this season: environmentalist propaganda in children's movies. CNN Headline News' Glenn Beck and Fox News' Neil Cavuto recently spoke out against Warner Bros.' new animated children's movie Happy Feet; criticizing the film for its alleged pro-environmentalist content.
When, exactly, did it become bad to be an enviromentalist? I'm not talking about the shoving spikes in trees, hemp wearing, building houses out of shit environmentalist. I'm talking general care for the only home planet we got...right now anyway.
You've seriously run out of shit to say when you begin to blame penguin movies for the downfall of whatever it is they are downfalling.
(via ontd)
Posted by Groonk at 04:08 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Politics
Chris Rock is a Psychic
(via ontd)
For those of you living under rocks the past few months, OJ, in a bid to become king of bad taste everywhere, had planned to release a TV special and a book called "If I Did It."
Posted by Groonk at 03:49 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video
November 27, 2006
One.org Wants You to Vote Wisely
I hear this ad runs on TVs in all of California.
(via 7d and political YouTube)
Posted by Groonk at 12:54 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Marketing, Politics, Video
November 26, 2006
Put Par-Ass Up Your Bum
This disturbs me: truly, madly, deeply. I was gonna stay away from it. I have enough freaks finding this site looking for 'nipple slips' and 'jessia alba.' But it's such a fucking a train wreck.
You just...keep...watching.
the site claims that "any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental," we can't help but wonder where they got the inspiration for the Par-ass Hilton, George W. Tush, and Smell Gibson (Bravefart edition) toys.
(via ONTD)
Posted by Groonk at 10:38 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Weird
UCLA Student Tasered for No Reason?
This first hand account can be found here.
The UCPD has released its taser policy in pdf form.
The Officer in the case, identified.
If I'm reading the incident right, all the guy had to do was co-operate with what the officer was saying and he wouldn't have been tased. The video plays like a regular episode of COPS. I guess folks aren't watching COPS anymore.
(via geekologie and debating YouTube)
Posted by Groonk at 10:10 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video
Something Evil Lurks in Her Belly
A doctor at a family planning clinic told a patient that she needed an exorcism because there was something sinister moving around inside her stomach, a medical tribunal was told yesterday.Joyce Pratt, 44, allegedly told the patient, who was seeking contraceptive advice, that she might be possessed by an evil spirit and needed religious rather than medical help.
She gave the woman crosses and trinkets to ward off black magic, allegedly told her that her mother was a witch, that she and her husband were trying to kill her, and suggested that she visit a Roman Catholic priest at Westminster Cathedral in London.
Welcome back from Thanksgiving. Is the evil still in your bellies too?
(via warren ellis)
Posted by Groonk at 10:10 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Religion
November 20, 2006
Shag Your way through the Bond-verse
And by "shag" I mean "fuck" and by "fuck" I mean "make love with your eyes."
The James Bond franchise is dead and buried in my head. The last shovelfull of dirt was thrown when they pushed the idea that Denise Richards could be a Nuclear physicists. I mean, at best she's radioactive waste.
But this is about love not hate of one of the silliest Bond girls in the history of double 0's. The following links are all the bond trailers and intros ever made.
WATCH: 45 years of Bond trailers
WATCH: 45 years of Bond intros
who does do it better?
it was a tough call for the promo vid. I'm a little bitch for the Shirley Bassey's Goldfinger. Diamonds are Forever is full of shiny inuendo. Yet The Spy Who Loved Me is one sexy piece of musical alright.
For Your Eyes Only is a close runner up for sexiness, but I have issues with a musical artist forcing her visage into a movie in order to sell her albums.
(via i watch stuff and spy-licious YouTube)
Posted by Groonk at 04:30 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Marketing, Movies, Trailers
'Kramer' Loses his Shit at a Comedy Show
What in fuck is up with Michael Richards?
Michael Richards exploded in anger as he performed at a famous L.A. comedy club last Friday, hurling racial epithets that left the crowd gasping...The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass."
Just in time for the latest Seinfeld DVD release. The video is here(be warned. that link will resize your window)
Well, now I know where his career went.
There's nothing quite like watching a celebrity have a meltdown on stage, in public. Especially when he reveals himself to be a racist shit living off the residuals of a decades dead TV show.
(via ontd and TMZ and The Superficial)
UPDATE: Michael Richards apologized on the Late Show last night. The Superficial had a link to the vid on their site but damn if the thing wasn't yanked by the PTBs already. In all honesty, he seems really broken up about the whole affair. I'd believe his apology before I would Mr Sugartits.
Watch his seeemingly heartfelt apology before the PTBs shut it down:
Posted by Groonk at 04:11 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video
November 17, 2006
Brian Atene Returns to YouTube and (Over)Acts a Little...Just for You
All the crap I just wrote has been striken and hidden beneath the jump(along with the original now viral audition vid). I'm thinking this guy is the real Brian Atene. I don't know why. Call it a hunch.
And what do you know...today is the first video he's dropped under his YouTube name "juilliardropout."
I come in on the tail end of a viral internet phenomenom, and I skip all the waiting.
Nice.
Least this guy seems to have a sense of humor. He's also using his newfound notoriety to help the Christopher Reeve Foundation.
Here's the real Brian Atene. He's alive. He's not fat. He's still Over-the-Top and if you liked his cheesy bits here's more of them. Atene Beat fans are logging onto christopherreeve.org and scooping-up those groovey Superman dogtags. Show support. Go forward! Get tagged and enjoy the unlikely life and madness of Brian Atene.
Kudos to you, real Atene. Many kudos to you.
Sweet fucking jesus, this is what I get for not reading Boingboing. I miss out on priceless ACTING talent. I heard about this on last Wednesday's Loveline thank you very much.
What's fucking scarier is 23 years later, Brian Atene came back to do a sequel.
What's slightly funnier is a noble body set the 1983 audition tape to Danny Elfman.
A name search and a wiki post later, I read that this guy claims to be the real Atene. And this guy looks more like the original than the heavyset dude.
Posted by Groonk at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Video
A Meridianvillian Sees Buddha in a Potato
Hot from the oven of my local news, the potato that looks like Buddha.
It's a Miracle! Buddha's Face & Body has appeared on a real edible potato! That's right. He's been underground and has resurfaced in our garden! Go Figure! And he was about to get boiling hot until my wife recognized his reappearance and in a moment of Zen saved him! You too can achieve the highest level of consciousness by realizing this monumental find. "The Spuddha" is ready to transcend into a higher state and reincarnate with your wisdom into French fries or potato chips. The possibilities are endless. With the Holiday gatherings coming up, you may want add a little enlightenment to your mash potatoes. Or maybe keep this "Buddha Tuber" in tact and display him insightly on your mantel. Bury him again, add a little water and make a family of little Buddhas. All I know is he's back and who is to say that being a spud in this lifetime is so bad? At least he's always got good taste!
You can buy it on ebay.com.
(via waff news and ebay)
Posted by Groonk at 06:21 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Alabama
Jill Greenberg Takes Surreal, Shiny Photos
Greenberg has this odd way of making her subject look like they belong in a Tussaud museum.
(via pentacleus and, of course, jill greenberg)
Posted by Groonk at 05:32 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Art
In a 14 Hour Geek Orgy a Star Wars Virgin Breaks his Cherry
The gods were with him during movies I - III for sure. Seeing that he survived that dreck and all. It's sad those had to be the first ones he saw.
The Challenge was simple: Lose my virginity. More specifically, my Star Wars virginity. This was something I had held for so long that I had developed a sort of pride about it. It made me unique in this vast world of passionate and eccentric fans. Was now the time? Would I even be ready?Late last week I was challenged by EW.com to watch Cinamax's complete Star Wars Marathon — George Lucas' complete saga in the order in which he originally intended (Episodes I-VI). I would have to watch 14 straight hours of Star Wars all night Friday into early Saturday. With my social calendar predictably empty, I decided now would be the time to give up what so many people already have over the last 30 years. However, with my roommate not being up for the challenge, I would be being doing it alone.
HBO did this on November 10th. I was gonna make a big deal but was having a difficult time giving a fuck.
Obviously my mental state has changed slightly.
(via pentacleus and ew.com)
Posted by Groonk at 05:07 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture
They Have The Technology. They Have Rebuilt Him.
BBC News Producer Stuart Hughes lost his leg to a landmine in Iraq.
Recently, he got an upgrade:
Every evening, before I switch off the bedside light, I take my right leg off and plug it into the mains. I am a below-knee amputee. I lost my leg in 2003 after stepping on a landmine while covering the war in Iraq for BBC News.
A few weeks ago, I became one of the first people in the UK to be fitted with the world's first "intelligent" prosthetic foot.
The word "bionic" inevitably conjures up memories of the 1970s TV series, the Six Million Dollar Man. Unfortunately, my prosthesis doesn't enable me to leap over a wall with a single bound or run faster than a speeding bullet.
Rather, it uses sensors and a built-in microprocessor to mimic some of the actions of a human foot. The Proprio Foot is one of a new range of bionic artificial limbs designed by Ossur, a prosthetics company based in Iceland.
(via warren ellis)
Posted by Groonk at 04:53 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Technology, World
November 16, 2006
Handsome Donkey? Sweet Ride!
The Orgasalarm.
Sweet holy fuck, some engineer needs to make this a reality.
(via Handsome donkey and their satellite love site YouTube)
Posted by Groonk at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Just Freaking Neat, Sex, Video
Fergie is Selling Tickets on Herself
That means she thinks an awful lot of her overrated ass.
Fergie, the visually disturbing white girl from the Black Eyed Peas, says that anybody who insults her voice is insulting God. She tells Vibe magazine:
Posted by Groonk at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Quotables
The Fuckin Red Hat Nation LIVES
Like most things, this started small. James Gunn wore an "ugly fuckin paddington bear looking" red hat during the production of SLiTHER. He shared with fans via his blog. They shared their photoshop revenge.
Befriend his hat: http://www.myspace.com/jgredhat
Befriend his group: http://groups.myspace.com/tjgas
Make this girl your bitch and get her to make you a red hat too: http://www.myspace.com/hockey_bauer (But be nice about it.)
(via red hat nation and a fuckin red hat)
Posted by Groonk at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Blogged, Culture
Canada Knows All of Tesla's Secrets
Catching up on my Diggnation podcasts I learned of this documentary "The Missing Secrets of Nikola Tesla" on Google Video.
I've learned a a few things about Tesla recently. The man was a freaking insane genius. I think he is the epitome of both words in one freakishly tall man.
That's the full documentary above. A full 46 minutes of the odds and ends of Tesla. I wonder if it mentions the Five Fists of Science.
(via diggnation)
Posted by Groonk at 03:11 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Google-fied, Just Freaking Neat, Research, Science, Tesla, Video
November 13, 2006
LOOK: Up From the Ground
There's another after this jump.
(via warren ellis' friends of friends)
UPDATE: Geekologie's astute readers informs us that this shot is actually from the NASA/JSC WB-57 High Altitude Research aircraft.
Posted by Groonk at 08:13 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Just Freaking Neat, Photos2, Science
November 11, 2006
Baxter Humby could Kick Your Head Off
Take a closer look at Baxter Humby. He's gonna be in SPIDER MAN 3 in 2007(follow link at your own peril, spoilers lurk beyond).
.
(via slightly violent youtube and baxter humby and film ick)
Posted by Groonk at 10:42 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Martial Arts, Movies, Video
BEHOLD: First Photo of Earth from Space...
...or To See the World through a Grainy Lens.
On October 24, 1946, not long after the end of World War II and years before the Sputnik satellite opened the space age, a group of soldiers and scientists in the New Mexico desert saw something new and wonderful—the first pictures of Earth as seen from space.
The grainy, black-and-white photos were taken from an altitude of 65 miles by a 35-millimeter motion picture camera riding on a V-2 missile launched from the White Sands Missile Range. Snapping a new frame every second and a half, the rocket-borne camera climbed straight up, then fell back to Earth minutes later, slamming into the ground at 500 feet per second. The camera itself was smashed, but the film, protected in a steel cassette, was unharmed.
Fred Rulli was a 19-year-old enlisted man assigned to the recovery team that drove into the desert to retrieve film from those early V-2 shots. When the scientists found the cassette in good shape, he recalls, "They were ecstatic, they were jumping up and down like kids." Later, back at the launch site, "when they first projected [the photos] onto the screen, the scientists just went nuts."
Credit given to:
White Sands Missile Range/Applied Physics Laboratory
View of Earth from a camera on V-2 #13, launched October 24, 1946.
(via digg and Air and Space mag)
Posted by Groonk at 10:12 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Photos2, Science, USA
British are "Completely Ignorant of Space Warfare Tactics*"
Notice this is not tagged under science. Conspiracy theorists amuse me with their priorities.
Nick Pope, a career civil servant who spent four years heading up the MoD's research into UFO sightings, is concerned that credible evidence of an alien threat is being ignored and that Britain is "wide open" to attack.According to an article in London paper The Evening Standard, Pope said: "The consequences of getting this one wrong could be huge. If you reported a UFO sighting now, I am absolutely sure that you would just get back a standard letter telling you not to worry. Frankly, we are wide open - if something does not behave like a conventional aircraft now, it will be ignored."
Pope explains that he became convinced of the reality of alien visits to Earth while he was investigating reports of UFO sightings. The MoD investigates all of these to make sure that British airspace has not been compromised.
He says he has seen no evidence of hostile intent, but suspects that the planet is being covertly reconnoitred.
*Fear my Robotech knowledge.
(via The Register)
Posted by Groonk at 10:01 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Weird
There's a Storm Churning on Saturn
The storm on the giant, ringed planet is about 5,000 miles wide, measuring roughly two thirds the diameter of Earth, with winds howling clockwise at 350 mph (550 kph).
[...]
The images -- essentially a 14-frame movie -- were captured over a period of three hours on October 11 by the U.S. space agency's Cassini spacecraft as it passed about 210,000 miles
from the planet as part of its exploration of Saturn and its moons.
Michael Flasar, an astrophysicist involved in the mission at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland, said the storm looks just like water swirling down the drain in a bath tub, only on a gigantic scale.
"We've never seen anything like this before," Flasar said in an interview. "It's a spectacular-looking storm."
(via yahoo news)
Posted by Groonk at 07:38 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science
November 10, 2006
WATCH: Complete Strangers Play Zelda on a Wii
The Nintendo Wii is still a silly name. The wireless game controller is the farthest from silly you can get. I got to get me one of those Wii's(and a PS3 since Guitar Hero is only offered in Playstation format, the bastards).
(via Dunc! and the Wii site)
Posted by Groonk at 09:19 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Digital Decompression, Video
November 09, 2006
Rumsfeld is the Hell Outta Here
File under: I blinked and missed it.
No more news flubs.
No more crooks.
No more Rumsfeld dirty looks.
The Aussies wrote an epic four pager on the deal.
Rumsfeld finally undone by his inability to adapt
No one seemed to mind that his outsourcing of the chase for bin Laden and much of the Taliban leadership to Afghan warlords allowed them to escape. Or that his lunge for Baghdad left the US forces in Afghanistan without enough men and machines to stabilise that still-blighted country.The sleight-of-hand trick was to move on to bigger, bolder projects - like Iraq after Afghanistan - hoping that not many would be rude enough to look back into his wake.
He browbeat the generals until they fell into line with his view that Iraq could be invaded with a fraction of the troop numbers they believed necessary for the task. And he seemed slightly unhinged in his response to the locust-like looting of Baghdad: "Stuff happens."
While Iraqis simply danced in the streets(I'm using hyperbole here):
Many Iraqis blamed Rumsfeld for spurring the emergence of Sunni insurgents and Shiite militias by disbanding the former Iraqi army following the April 2003 toppling of the former government of Saddam Hussein.Although that order was actually issued by former top U.S. administrator in Iraq, L. Paul Bremer, such sentiments show how widely Rumsfeld is identified with failed policies in Iraq.
"I am happy with Rumsfeld's resignation because he played a major role in disbanding the former Iraqi army. He participated in building the new army on a sectarian basis," said Louai Abdel-Hussein, 48, a Shiite who owns a small grocery in Baghdad.
Ahmed, the civil servant, said Rumsfeld should also be held responsible for crimes by American forces in Iraq, particularly the abuse of Iraqis at Abu Ghraib prison that became known in 2004.
"Rumsfeld's resignation is not enough," Ahmed said. "He should be put under investigation for his responsibility in the crimes committed in Abu Ghraib and the killings and rapes carried out by U.S. soldiers against Iraqi citizens, he said.
Rumsfeld had twice previously offered his resignation to Bush — once during the Abu Ghraib scandal and again shortly after that. Both times the president refused to let him leave.
(via sydney news and yahoo news)
Posted by Groonk at 10:21 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Politics, USA
Babycakes will Disrupt Your Senses
I suggest you read The Fabulous Jouni's webcomic version of Neil Gaiman's short story "Babycakes." It is very well done and it will disturb your soul.
You'll eventually go back to your lives...mostly.
(via The Dreaming)
Posted by Groonk at 08:33 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Books, Comics
Garfield is a Lesson in Surrealist Comedy
I read this article on Monitor Duty about the differences between Garfield and Dogbert and was blown away. I mean, damn, Garfield is much funnier this way. Why did Jim Davis have to torture us with that cat's dialogue?
Dogbert talks. Garfield does not.When Dilbert, the rather sad and pathetic engineer bachelor, comes home to complain about his lousy job and poor social life to his pet, Dogbert belittles him vocally and they hold conversations.
When Jon Arbuckle, the rather sad and pathetic cartoonist bachelor, comes home to complain about his lousy job and poor social life to his pet, Garfield thinks up witty sarcastic responses in thought balloons. Jon doesn't hear Garfield, although often he can tell what Garfield is thinking due to body language or he responds to Garfield's inattentiveness. (And sometimes, the strip strays off concept for a while and Jon seems to understand Garfield as though he were talking.)
Even Neil Gaiman agrees. You can view countless other examples on the Truth and Beauty Bombs messageboard.
More surrealist candy after the jump.
(via Monitor Duty: What's the difference between Garfield and Dogbert? and Jim Davis)
Posted by Groonk at 02:04 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Comics, Just Freaking Neat
November 08, 2006
Emma Thompson is a Bit of Alright
Taken from and interview she did at Newsweek:
Do you get upset when you see all these skinny young actresses?
I can't bear it. When I come to L.A. next week I'm planning to wear very tight dresses that emphasize my behind enormously and sashay around, wiggling my large bottom, saying, "This is normal and what it should be like."
Posted by Groonk at 10:33 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Interviews, Quotables
November 07, 2006
VOTING: It's Midtaculacious!
From Bad Signal:
For my American readers: go to the top of warrenellis.com, and you'll find a number to dial if you spot voting irregularities at your polling station.
Or just cut the middleman:
1-866-OUR-VOTE. That's the number to dial. It goes to Election Protection, a nationwide legal team working today to keep your election fair and protect your rights as voters. If you see or experience something at a voting station that should not be happening, dial 1-866-OUR-VOTE.
(via Bad Signal)
Posted by Groonk at 09:57 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Politics, USA
Hilary Swank: See How She Runs
This was found over the weekend during one of my "I'm bored as hell let's see what the kids are posting about" trips to ONTD. Where did she get the mini sized ghetto booty? Has that always been there? She's come a long way since THE NEXT KARATE KID.
She looks kinda like a gazelle. I'm not sure whether to shoot her or fuck her.
(via ONTD)
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Please excuse the half-assedness of the above graphic. I'm currently pressed for time and trying to commit to a new style at the same time. I know. I suck.)
Posted by Groonk at 09:41 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Marketing, USA
On Sharing a Meal with Harry Kim
In the weird file: Some web elf wants to have lunch with Star trek Voyager's, Garrett Wang. So much so, he made a website that explained his need.
if this was a marketing ploy by Wang's people, it would be borderline genius in its simplicity. Only Wang isn't well known in many places, except for the Trek crazies. So, this site is just weird.
Posted by Groonk at 09:29 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Weird
This Post is So Gay
All of these were found around the ONTD Livejournal. One has nothing to do with the other. They all made me laugh in that non-PC sorta way:
Posted by Groonk at 08:53 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Avatarem
November 06, 2006
HOW TO: Gain Godlike Acting or Writing Skills
The husband wife team of James Gunn(SLiTHER, DAWN OF THE DEAD) and Jenna Fischer(THE OFFICE,LOLLILOVE) shared some advice on their respective professions. Let's have a look, shall we?
Remember, these are 8 TRICKS, not 8 RULES. I believe each of these gives a person a greater chance at becoming a successful screenwriter. But NONE of them are NECESSARY to becoming a screenwriter (although the last one comes pretty close.) Here goes:1) Write at least 3 hours a day 6 days a week.
2) Move to Los Angeles. Of if you can't do L.A., move to New York.
3) Spell check, of course, but also make a pass checking for "its" and "it's", "their" and "there," "your" and "you're", and so on.
4) Don't even think about trying to get an agent until you have completed your best possible work.
5) Don't blame others for your failures as a screenwriter. By assessing your own responsibilities, and learning from your failures, you supercharge yourself and become unstoppable!! (NOTE: it's good to read this trick out loud and pump your fist up in the air while doing so).
6) Got friends who like to cut you down and tell you "this isn't possible" and "that can't be done"? Lose 'em.
7) On the flipside, have 3 good objective readers, who are very honest, even harsh, and who have your best interests at heart. (Mary Harron agreed with this trick, but added that you should make sure the objective readers at least somewhat share your tastes -- that is, they have the same goals you do).
8) FINISH WHAT YOU START. Are you doubting what you write? Are you starting to think it's crap? Good! That's a part of being a writer! We are doubting, tortured, angst-filled souls, and all it takes to be a writer is to write in the face of that!!
So those are the tricks.
(via myspace james gunn)
Fischer actually went into great detail in her blog about her experiences in the world of professional Hollywood. The entire entry is worth the read if you have any aspirations for working in the entertainment biz, whether you want to be an actor or a writer.
I know how hard it can be when you first get out here. Go out and meet as many people as you can. Create a family for yourself of creative, supportive people. AND, don't stop your personal life for your career. I know a lot of people that wait to do things - visit family, friends, have relationships, get married - because they are waiting until they "make it". Or, they don't go to a friend's wedding because they might "miss something". Life is too short and it's not worth it in the end. I always took off and did that stuff and it turned out fine. I was often anxious and worried in the process but I did it. I believe that in order for my professional life to move forward, I have to keep my personal life moving forward as well.I wouldn't be where I am today if not for my husband James. He is the one who convinced me to quit my job as a secretary (ironically) and focus full time on acting. I didn't totally believe I could make it but he did. He supported us financially and supported me emotionally. He ran lines with me and coached me before countless auditions. He put up with my highs and lows. He was, and still is, my biggest cheerleader. And, you need that out here.
(via myspace jenna fischer)
UPDATE: Gunn has decided to do a series of posts on how to break into the film biz.
Posted by Groonk at 04:27 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Blogged, Interviews, Tutorials, USA
The Dancing Pandas
(via neil gaiman and yuko shimizu who also has "letters of desire")
Posted by Groonk at 09:25 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Art
Robots Like it Kinky
My first sex and robots in a movie mashup post. I'm so proud.
(via warren ellis and tribeca film festival)
Posted by Groonk at 04:55 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Movies, Robots, Sex, Trailers
Dolphin Had Feet
Another nail in the coffin of that silly belief that I will not mention and give unneccessary notice to:
"I believe the fins may be remains from the time when dolphins' ancient ancestors lived on land ... this is an unprecedented discovery," Seiji Osumi, an adviser at Tokyo's Institute of Cetacean Research, said at a news conference televised Sunday.
The second set of fins - much smaller than the dolphin's front fins - are about the size of human hands and protrude from near the tail on the dolphin's underside. The dolphin measures 8.92 feet and is about five years old, according to the museum.
Hayashi said he could not tell from watching the dolphin swim in a musuem tank whether it used its back fins to maneuver.
A freak mutation may have caused the ancient trait to reassert itself, Osumi said. The dolphin will be kept at the Taiji museum to undergo X-ray and DNA tests, according to Hayashi.
(via myway news and 7d)
Posted by Groonk at 04:50 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Animals, Science
Venus Gets a Once over by Airport X Rays
ATLANTA - Conservators trying to restore a 1,900-year-old statue of Venus have put their heads together with airline maintenance inspectors who usually scrutinize welds and repairs in jet engines for any cracks.
Officials at the Michael C. Carlos Museum at Emory University this summer bought the Roman marble statue and its head, which had broken off sometime in the past 170 years.
On Thursday, they enlisted the help of Delta Air Lines inspectors at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, who took X-rays of the statue and the head to try to determine where the statue has been broken before and how old repairs are holding up.
Conservators will look for rusting metal pins that might have been inserted to fix cracks. Once they establish the condition of those repairs, which could date from antiquity to as recently as 200 years ago, they will know how best to put the 4-foot-6-inch statue back together.
(via yahoo news)
Posted by Groonk at 04:44 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Art
Saddam to Hang for Past Atrocities
...Or however best they carry out capital punishment in the New Iraq(tm):
BAGHDAD, Iraq - An Iraqi court on Sunday sentenced Saddam Hussein to the gallows for crimes against humanity, closing a quarter-century-old chapter of violent suppression in this land of long memories, deep grudges and sectarian slaughter.The former Iraqi dictator and six subordinates were convicted and sentenced for the 1982 killings of 148 people in a single Shiite town after an attempt on his life there.
Shiites and Kurds, who had been tormented and killed in the tens of thousands under Saddam's iron rule, erupted in celebration — but looked ahead fearfully for a potential backlash from the Sunni insurgency that some believe could be a final shove into all-out civil war.
(via yahoonews)
Posted by Groonk at 04:38 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of War, World
November 04, 2006
In Japan, Christian Weddings are All the Rage
BBC News is slow. They are only now reporting on the business of being a fake priest in Japan.
With a rise in the popularity of Christian-style weddings in Japan, some Westerners are finding they can make a lucrative living by acting as priests. But it does not please everyone, particularly genuine priests, as Kathleen McCaul reports.[...]
The fake Western priests are employed at Western-style weddings to give a performance and add to the atmosphere. These are not legal ceremonies - the couples also have to make a trip to the local registrar.
"In the past almost all weddings in Japan were Shinto, but in the last few years Western-style weddings have appeared and become very popular," said one Japanese priest.
"People like the dress, the kiss and the image. Japanese Christians make up only 1% of the country, but now about 90% of weddings are in the Christian style."
The fake Western priests are used to create an authentic Christian feel.
I read many years ago on, then living in Tokyo, Canadian photographer Hunkabutta's photoblog about this phenomenom. He talks about his experience as a fake priest in excellent detail here:
Hunkabutta Thursday April 3rd, 2003(Scroll down to about the last entry)
Hunkabutta's opinion on the popularity of the fake christian weddings were because in a christian wedding it's all about the bride. In a Shinto wedding, not so much. He talks more about that on his Sunday September 23, 2003 post. Here's an excerpt:
"The fact that you said 'Christian weddings are trendy' seems more bizarre to me than 'Disneyland wedding'..."Yeah, I know. It is bizarre. The Japanese seem to have the ability to mix and match religions at will. At first glance this seems ridiculously contradictory, but once you accept it, it's actually pretty cool. They seem to be able to focus on the social aspects of the various ceremonies and sacraments (i.e., who's there, how do I get to mingle with other people, what message does this ceremony send out to other people about me and my family, can I afford to do these ceremonies, etc.)
Christian-style weddings started to become popular in the early 1980's after a famous singer (kind of like a Japanese Madonna) had her Christian-style wedding aired on TV. It was a big event. A few years later there was the incredibly glamorous wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, and that was really the icing on the cake.
[...]
I think that one of the reasons the Christian-style wedding is so popular is that it's all centred around the bride. She is the star for the day. Everyone stands and watches her as she makes her way down the aisle in her beautiful white wedding gown. In a Shinto ceremony, the bride is pretty much just a well dressed farm animal being passed from one family to the other. She doesn't really stand out. And let's face it, although most guys will agree to show up at the wedding, it's really the girl who puts it all together and makes the final decision.
From that first hyperlinked sentence alone I know I need to live in Tokyo for a few years. And bonus, I'd have an excellent well paid part-time gig waiting for me.
(via bbc news and warren ellis and the greatly missed photographic eye of Hunkabutta)
Posted by Groonk at 03:16 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Only in Japan, Religion
Lost Moon Tapes Found Under Australian Physics Students Seats
If they had been a snake, there would be 30 plus years of bit students in Australian hospitals:
They were nearly thrown out with the rubbish. But a last minute search instead has scientists in Western Australia dusting off several boxes of 'lost' NASA tapes which record surface conditions on the Moon just after Neil Armstrong stepped into space history on 21 July 1969.
After addressing Earth, the American astronaut set up a package of scientific instruments, including a dust detector designed by an Australian physicist. The data collected by the detector was sent back to ground stations on Earth and recorded on magnetic tapes - copies of which are as rare as the 'misplaced' original video footage of the 1969 touchdown.
Last week, up to 100 tapes, clearly marked "NASA Manned Space Center", turned up after a search in a dusty basement of a physics lecture hall at Curtin University of Technology in Perth, Western Australia. One of the old tapes has been sent to the American space agency to see whether it can be deciphered and 'stripped' of any important data which may have survived the ravages of time.
(via cosmos magazine and warren ellis files)
Posted by Groonk at 03:04 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science
Is Google Really The Man(tm)?
Former CIA clandestine case officer Robert David Steele made some very hot comments on his appearance on the Alex Jones radio show. Steele cites his contacts within the agency with the information that Google and the CIA are involved with one another.Steele said, "I think that Google has made a very important strategic mistake in dealing with the secret elements of the U.S. government - that is a huge mistake and I’m hoping they’ll work their way out of it and basically cut that relationship off."
The article goes on to point out that Steele did not bring any evidence to back up his claims. So it's all conspiracy fodder for now.
(via the files of warren ellis)
Posted by Groonk at 02:54 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Google-fied
November 03, 2006
Oh My Golly, It's Time to Celebrate Diwali
Did you miss "The Office" last night? That means you missed The Diwali Song. Flog yourself about that later. Listen to the song now:
In case you didn't know, Jenna Fischer is insanely dutiful about updating her myspace blog with each new Office episode. Some times she throws in extras bits about the episode. See the "Diwali," pictures.
Now don't you all feel a bit Closer to Fine?
(via Nirali Magazine and Pam Beesley and Ricky Gervais for the Office idea)
Posted by Groonk at 07:43 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Digital Share, Holiday, Just Freaking Neat, Music
Letters to God Found, Unanswered, on Jersey Shore
Should they be advertising what those folks wrote in the letters? I mean...really.
Some of the letters are comical (a man asking God to let him win the lottery, twice), others are heartbreaking (a distraught teen asking forgiveness for an abortion, an unwed mother pleading with God to make the baby's father marry her). The letters — about 300 in all, sent to a New Jersey minister — ended up dumped in the ocean, most of them unopened.The minister died two years ago at 79. How the letters, some dating to 1973, wound up bobbing in the surf is a mystery.
"There are hundreds of lives here, a lot of struggle, washed up on the beach," said Bill Lacovara, a Ventnor insurance adjuster who was fishing last month with his son when he spotted a flowered plastic shopping bag and waded out to retrieve it. "This is just a hint of what really happens. How many letters like this all over the world aren't being opened or answered?"
Many of the letters were addressed to the Rev. Grady Cooper, though many more simply said "Altar." According to the text of several of them, they were intended to be placed on a church's altar and prayed over by the minister, the congregation or both.
(via yahoo news)
Posted by Groonk at 07:26 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Religion, USA
November 02, 2006
Jack's Lantern as a Cylon
Ok. I know Halloween is so yesterday(actually 2 days ago) but, goddamnit, this is just too cool for school.
(via evil mad scientist)
Posted by Groonk at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Holiday, Just Freaking Neat
Halloween: Now in Japan
The Beat noticed The Brunei Times report on Halloween becoming popular in Japan. I went looking for the full article and I'll be damned if it isn't gone already. With not a search box in sight on Brunei, I'll have to take The Beat's word as truth.
GHOSTIES and ghoulies, princesses and pumpkins took to the streets of Tokyo this weekend as Japan celebrated one of its newest festivals Halloween.Little known two decades ago, Halloween has spread in cities such as Tokyo, where autumn now sees florists selling pumpkins, shopping arcades festooned with paper Jack o’lanterns and even black-and-orange costumes for dogs on offer at pet shops.
(via The Beat and Brunei Times, I guess)
Posted by Groonk at 10:04 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, Holiday, Only in Japan
Military Cracking Down on Milblogs
It's interesting that the PTBs are finally taking notice of milblogs. I haven't seen many soldiers' blogs that compromise troop movements or the like.
From what I could tell, the milbloggers have more common sense than Geraldo fucking Rivera(Look for "War Coverage Controversies" for a reminder on his idiocy).
Ten members of a Virginia National Guard unit have been tasked with reviewing both official and unofficial Army websites for potential operational security, or OPSEC, violations. Under the direction of the Army's Web Risk Assessment Cell (AWRAC), the reviewers look for text, photos or videos that may give away sensitive information."Loose lips sink ships. That's been around since World War I, and hasn't changed in years," said Lt. Col. Stephen Warnock, team leader and battalion commander of the Manassas-based unit that works with contractors from the tech company CA.
Milblogs offer one of the last direct witnesses to the Iraq war from the point of view of front line soldiers -- a sharp reversal from three years ago, when the U.S.-led invasion was among the most closely-watched military attacks in history. According to Editor and Publisher, the number of reporters embedded in military units has dropped from 770 at the height of the conflict to just nine today.
The recent U.S. pressure on milbloggers, reported by Wired contributing editor Noah Shachtman in his Defense Tech blog, highlights the security risks of blogging by active duty military personel -- including those in Iraq with access to e-mail and the internet.
But it also signals a growing culture clash between military traditions of censorship and the expectations of young soldiers weaned on open digital culture, according to current and former military personnel.
One of the milblogs mentioned is The Midnight Hour. I checked his about page and learned he's a marine from Huntsville, AL who graduated from UAH.
Small freaking world.
(via wired news)
Posted by Groonk at 09:43 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Blogged, Politics, War
Mars All Up in Your Face and Shut
(via warren ellis)
Viking landers may have found Martian life after allA flawed test on NASA’s twin Viking spacecraft may have fooled scientists into overlooking signs of life during their examination of the Martian surface 30 years ago. Researchers now say that one of the landers’ experiments was not sensitive enough to find organic molecules in the soil, despite signs of life shown by another test. Other researchers say the team may also have been fooled by the strange forms that Martian life might take.
The results from Vikings’ onboard experiments are confusing because some tests suggested the presence of organisms capable of digesting organic molecules. But a gas-chromatograph mass spectrometer (GCMS) found nothing when the soil was heated to release organic molecules, causing most scientists to doubt the results of the life-detection tests. Instead they put the soil reactivity down to the presence of peroxides or other reactive substances.
(via new scientist space)
Posted by Groonk at 01:37 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Mars
Oregon's Ocean Dead Zone is Disappearing
GRANTS PASS, Ore. - An ocean dead zone off Oregon that killed fish, crabs and sea worms in an area bigger than Rhode Island last summer lasted nearly three times longer than any of its predecessors before dissipating with autumn's change in the weather, scientists said Monday.This year's dead zone off Oregon ran for 17 weeks, compared to the previous high of six weeks in 2004, and saw oxygen readings near zero that left the ocean bottom littered with dead crabs, sea stars and sea anemones. This is the fifth straight year the dead zone returned. It covered 70 miles of the central Oregon Coast and there are indications a dead zone also formed off southern Washington.
(via yahoo news)
Posted by Groonk at 01:20 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science, USA
