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« July 2006 | Main | September 2006 »

August 31, 2006

NASA to Return to Moon by the Time I'm Old, Grey and Crapping in Adult Diapers

Jesus fuck, NASA. It's not like you haven't been there before. Think of it like Yellowstone Park. You've been there once and want to go back, wholeheartedly, to re-enjoy the splendor.

The moon is not New Jersey. Stop treating it as such.

orion to the moon.jpgNASA announced Tuesday that its new crew exploration vehicle will be named Orion.

Orion is the vehicle NASA's Constellation Program is developing to carry a new generation of explorers back to the moon and later to Mars. Orion will succeed the space shuttle as NASA's primary vehicle for human space exploration.

Orion's first flight with astronauts onboard is planned for no later than 2014 to the International Space Station. Its first flight to the moon is planned for no later than 2020.

(via nasa.gov)

Posted by Groonk at 01:38 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science, Technology

When Assured Mutual Destruction is Just not Enough

Accelerated Future's Michael Anissimov, has created an article named "Six Places to Nuke When You're Serious."

Nice to see the kids considering all the options.

Disclaimer: if this post bothers you, please do spend some time coming up with potential countermeasures. The point is to encourage people to think about these types of risk in more detail, so we can implement solutions before the unthinkable happens.

In this scenario, it does not really matter who is dropping the bomb. The point is to create as much mayhem as possible. This analysis leans towards detonation targets that do damage to the United States in particular, both because the US has many enemies, and because many countries are economically and politically dependent on a smoothly-functioning US. The attack might be a set-up for a larger operation, occur in the context of a war, or simply be an isolated event. Potential orchestrators of the attack include rogue states like North Korea or Iran, criminal organizations, jihadi organizations, or more sophisticated groups like circles of well-educated and wealthy Americans exploiting abrupt technological transitions to gain power.

2. Knock off a chunk of Cumbre Viejo at La Palma in the Canary Islands.

Explosions on mountaintop, rocks into ocean, waves into coast. Walls of water into cities. You get the idea. The wave goes around the globe three full times before it dissipates. Not sure if this one is worse than blowing up Manhattan.

(entire article)

Number 1 will dumbfound you. Is right out of an ill conceived Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer plot.

(via accelerating future)

Posted by Groonk at 01:15 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Blogged, Culture, USA, World

Cavemen had Condos, Starbucks Yet to be Re-discovered

A new find of a condo-like cave suggests not all cavemen were club-wielding, nomadic hunter-gatherers, but included some farmers and shepherds.

Evidence of such homebody cave dwellers comes from a recent excavation of a neolithic cave complex in Greece, dating from 5300-3900 B.C.The abode features a three-room complex with plastered floors and evidence of crop-growing and an attached stable nearby.

"This household was self-contained," said Panagiotis Karkanas, who conducted the excavation of the Kouveleiki Caves, which are located on the cliffs of a shallow valley in southern Peloponnese.

Karkanas, an archaeologist at the Ephoreia of Palaeoanthropology-Speleology in Athens, added, "I believe that the site was an ordinary household. The people were living there, cooking, sleeping, etc. probably during the whole year. They were both farmers and shepherds."

(via discovery)

Posted by Groonk at 01:07 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science

Auxetic Substances get Thicker when Stretched

They're like The Hulk. Except, stronger/madder = thicker/stretchy.

Known as "auxetic" substances, these materials include some foams and special crystals. Researchers at the Bar-Ilan University and the Israel Institute of Technology have now used quantum mechanical calculations to identify the first class of chemical compounds that behave auxetically on a molecular level.

When a usual material is, for example, hit by a ball, the material "flows" outward from the impact zone making the point of impact weaker. However, in auxetic materials, the matter "flows" inward, thus strengthening this zone. Such materials would be advantageous for bulletproof vests. Auxetic materials also provide interesting possibilities for medical technology. The introduction of implants such as stents to hold open blood vessels would be easier if, under pressure, the device would get thinner instead of thicker in the perpendicular direction.

(via b55seddel)

Posted by Groonk at 12:59 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science, Technology

August 28, 2006

To Be "Spider Jerusalem" is an Honor

Geek tech gossip site Valley Wag created a new award in honor of Transmet's Spider Jerusalem. They say, "It's hard to make a world of chips and software exciting without sounding like a Wired cub reporter or a BusinessWeek bubble-blower."

The first award goes to Wall Street Journal's Jason Fry. "He sums up the frustration of so many former tech news fans when he introduces a story about private space travel by lamenting the fall of the brave space-scientist archetype."

spiderschairlegoftruth.gifSpider Jerusalem award: The best blurb in journalism

C'mon, kid: Your square-jawed rocket engineers of future histories past are now tattooed, pierced software engineers coding social-networking sites.
--Jason Fry "Wall Street Journal"

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 03:02 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Blogged, Quotables, Technology

A Scholar Says Iliad and Odyssey was Penned by a Woman

The author of the Greek epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey was probably a woman, according to an upcoming book by a British historian and linguist.

Andrew Dalby, author of Rediscovering Homer, argues that the attribution of the poems to Homer was founded on a falsehood.

]...]

Dalby explained to Discovery News that the earliest references to Homer by writers such as Herodotus and the Greek poet Pindar indicate the poet lived around 800 B.C.

But based on geographical references in the poems, Dalby believes the Iliad was composed in 650 B.C., while the Odyssey was written in 630 B.C., well after Homer’s supposed lifetime.

Aside from the poems themselves, no concrete clues exist to identify their author, but Dalby builds a case that the person probably was a woman.

"In many oral traditions, the best and most reliable creators, the ones who are used by folklore collectors, happen to be women," he said.

Dalby explained that women throughout the ancient world were "often the last and most skillful exponents of an oral tradition."

For example, the world’s first named poet was a Sumerian woman named Enheduanna, who lived from around 2285-2250 B.C. Dalby said women also saved the ancient oral poetry of the northern Japanese, many Irish traditions, and numerous English folk ballads.

If the poet was a woman, Dalby believes her name is probably lost to history.

"I would guess that Sappho (a female Greek poet) and her contemporary, the male poet Alkaios, probably knew the name, but they did not mention it in their own poetry," Dalby said.

(via discovery news)

Posted by Groonk at 02:41 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Books, History, Just Freaking Neat, Research

August 27, 2006

Gigantic Little Girl Enjoys a Day in London

If you're good little boys and girls, The Little Girl Giant will let you ride her forearms like ponies.

(via ze frank)

Posted by Groonk at 07:25 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Art, Video, Weird

August 26, 2006

OK Go Doesn't Need Instructions on How to Rock

Remember that OK Go "treadmill dance" video I gushed over weeks ago?

All the smart people are catching on to the sheer coolness of it, too. Watching Kulash talk about the vid on Colbert I was astonished to learn that they did the thing all by themselves. That makes it all the more special.

Chicago alternative rock band OK Go has become more popular on the video-sharing Web site YouTube than it ever was on MTV. The band's treadmill video has been viewed millions of times on the Internet and featured on news programs around the world.

Music industry watchers can learn from OK Go's experience, which shows that Web users can catapult a band to fame, challenging the popular assumption that videos need to cost thousands of dollars or be directed by Hollywood film directors.

The industry is undergoing a slow, at times painful change from the old way of marketing CDs and TV music videos to going digital with music distribution and online videos, which fans view on the Internet or via media players like Apple Computer Inc.'s popular iPod.

Sites such as YouTube, MySpace, PureVolume and others allow aspiring artists to post videos, usually grainy lo-fi productions, at little or no cost.

[...]

"We're lucky we've had some great ideas," says Damian Kulash, 29, lead singer of OK Go.

"The treadmill video, for instance, was my sister's idea ... and it didn't require a lot of money," he said.

"A Million Ways," made in just five takes, is not only one of the most-viewed videos on YouTube but also one of the most-imitated. Hundreds of spoofs of the dance moves have been added to the site by fans performing everywhere from high school proms to wedding parties.

Don't be stupid, be smart. Watch more OK Go.

(via 7d)

Posted by Groonk at 02:44 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Digital Share

Failed "Plastic Man" Pilot Finds New Life on the Interwub

No offense to the creators, but I can see why it didn't make it. It's only sorta funny in spots.

Stephen DeSanto has images on his blog here, here, here, here, here, and here.

(via lots of places)

Posted by Groonk at 07:22 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video

More Fallout from Pluto

An angle I failed to realize by Matt Fraction:

Mounted to the sides of Pioneers 10 and 11, the Pioneer Plaque is a kind of base-level codec explaining Man and his position in the solar system. It is a visual reduction of the most barest of essentials of WHO WE ARE and, ho ho!, WHERE WE ARE. It says, HELLO! Spacemen! We are an intellgent, self-aware people that have an understanding of ourselves and our Space! This is who we are! This is where we come from! We're SMART!

Here, take a closer look.

See? Right there, on the bottom-right. Fuckin' PLUTO, bitches.

He's right. All the aliens will have no clue how to find us cause we give them the wrong address.

"Gr'nark, isn't this where they said to meet them?"

"No, Gr'narl. According to the Smarty McLabcoats, this system has 8 planets while the on this here plaque, we clearly see 9. We must pass this backwater system by and pass on the secrets to life and the perfect meatball recipe to another more intelligent species. To a civilization that acknowledges the 'planetness' of Pluto."

It's as simple as that.

Course, if the aliens are a bunch of haters, we could have just dodged a major bullet.

More on that via Fraction's site.

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 06:24 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science

HOW TO: Bankrupt a League of Haters

All you need is time. JHaye Holmes explains:

What with the Washington State Supreme Court handing down its anti-gay-marriage decision several weeks ago and the ever-hearing more about attacks on reproductive rights down south, I'm feeling that the States is tripping a bit too merrily down the Handmaid’s path.

This week, I found a way to strike back.

Focus on the Family, the horrid anti-gay evangelical church based in Colorado Springs that wields too much power for anyone's good, has a store on their website that will give you books, CDs, and DVDs absolutely free of charge. Usually people pay for their items by donation, raising millions of dollars to help Focus on the Family produce more hate-propaganda featuring "experts" on homosexuality who claim it's a curable "sickness". (They’re practically defined by their book A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Course, there's no mention of having less kids, which is the only proven method. No, no, you shouldn't use birth control, that would be wrong. They need more worshippers, how dare you prevent god’s will.)

It's a little bit time-consuming, but not enough to deter me. (Nor should it you). The chance to take money out of their pockets is too useful, not to mention satisfying.

Here's how to do it in 10 steps:

1. Go to www.family.org and look for the "Resources" link in the blue bar on the left-hand side, right above the "Search" box, and click it.

2. Under the "Resource Category" menu on the left-hand side, you’ll notice categories such as "Homosexuality" under “Resource Category.” Me, I went straight to the CD’s and DVD’s under “Resource Format.”

3. Go through, find something you like, such as the recently released movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe or The Chronicles of Narnia Radio Theatre Complete Set, suggested donation US $79.00, or the three disc Les Miserables soundtrack. It's not a very wide range of products, but there's bound to be something either you like or you could use as a sweet gift for someone else. Click the "Add to Cart" button.

They won't send more than $100 worth of materials for free in any given shopping trip, so be sure to go through a few times, until you're sure you've dinged them.

4. Select "Add New Shipping Address," decide to send it yourself or someone else, and once you’re done picking up to $100, click "Proceed to Checkout." Some people have been sending items to themselves to sell later on eBay, some have been ordering the more controversial items as conversation pieces or educational props, (as anti-anti-propaganda), but I plan on using mine as gifts, mostly. I’ve found no reports on receiving Focus on the Family junk mail after inputting an address, so I figure it’s fairly safe.

5. The next screen asks you to sign-up for an account and give your information. Fill it out with fictitious information, enter whatever name and address you like. You might want to make up a phone number too and an e-mail account too. After filling out all the required fields, click "Proceed to Checkout" one more time.

6. This will take you to the "Here is Your Cart" page. You may have to re-enter your data again after this part to actually confirm your account. Eventually, you'll get to the "How Much Would You Like to Donate?" page.

7. Select "Enter other total amount" and enter 0.00 as the amount you would like to pay. (Don't put in a dollar sign or it will ask you for credit-card information.) Don't be fooled by the field in the lower-right-hand corner that shows you the suggested donation amounts, simply Proceed to Checkout.

8. The next screen is a guilt screen, to make you feel bad about how little you donated. ignore it. Ignore it utterly. Think of how many people they're persecuted and had in their "gay kids can be cured" camps. Just proceed to checkout again.

9. Click "Checkout Now."

10. Finally, pass this information on to all your friends. They've got money to back them, we have word of mouth, let's see if we can win.

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 05:27 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Digital Share, Politics

Elton John Loses his Shit, Vows to make a Hip Hop Album

I'm all for artists trying new things career-wsie but this I so do not see:

After 40 years of performing rock music, pop ballads and movie soundtracks, Elton John is looking to cross over to yet another musical genre -- hip hop.

"I want to bring my songs and melodies to hip hop beats -- a bit like 'No Diggity' by Blackstreet,"' John said in excerpts of an interview posted on Rolling Stone's Web site on Friday.

John told the music magazine he would like to work with producer Dr. Dre and a variety of artists, although he had yet to contact them.

"I want to work with Pharrell (Williams), Timbaland, Snoop (Dogg), Kanye (West), Eminem and just see what happens. It may be a disaster, it could be fantastic, but you don't know until you try," he said.

(via 7d)

Posted by Groonk at 05:21 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Artist, Music

August 25, 2006

Michael Bay Likes Killing My Childhood

First it's the Fox and the Hound 2.

Next, it's that clusterfuck of an idea turing the Thundercats into a Teen Titans-like rock band who lives in LA, Mum-ra with wings, and a three-eyed snarf as their leader.

Then there's this:

megatron-transformers-1.jpg
this is what you get when Michael Bay takes on a project

How that in anyway relates to any of Megs' previous incarnations, I'll never know.


Hollywood's latest attempt to destroy my fond childhood memories is this bastardization of The Transformers "Megatron" who looks like some cyber-mecha gimp's S&M rape fantasy.

A fellow from the movie production told the rabid Transformer fans to chill and that you're still working out the details behind the movie. That's a fair statement. But damn, man. Sometimes you can look at something and KNOW that shit ain't right.

Everyone needs to take another look at that model and re-think your efforts. It's ok to admit that you were wrong. That's called being grown-up.

You bastards.

(via i watch stuff who has more pics of this travesty)

BTW. Kneon Transitt put this noise in less offensive words.

This isn't just about fanboys grumbling over something as relatively unimportant as organic webshooters. This is about a film being made that apparently has very little to do with the source material at all, aside from featuring giant robots.

And while I understand how much time, money and effort is being poured into the movie, please Mr. Murphy, don't talk down to the fans like we're being unreasonable with our complaints. This movie isn't being made because you're "on our side" -- it's being made because the studio thinks it'll make money. Let's at least drop the facade and stop patronizing the fanbase, okay?

Nothing against you personally, but it's just business. We're all old enough to understand that. So let's just be honest about it. That being said, how much business do you guys expect a film to make when you're alienating the very fans that have made it endure this long? Honestly?

Posted by Groonk at 04:43 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Marketing, Movies

Found: City of Caer Caradoc at Mynydd y Gaer, Glamorgan


Caer Caradoc at Mynydd y Gaer, Glamorgan, is one of the most important locations in all of ancient British history. It is the fabled fortress city of King Caradoc 1, son of Arch, who fought the Romans from 42-51AD.

And now, a small team of dedicated researchers working with historians Alan Wilson and Baram Blackett, say they have been able to pinpoint the location of this site. "It is great news for the local, regional and national economy," said Alan Wilson today. "We have been making these discoveries for many years and with the Electrum Cross discovered at nearby St. Peter's in 1990, it looks like a boost for jobs is likely."

[...]

"What we have is a clearly-defined walled city in exactly the place the records tell us it should be. The Welsh manuscripts and supporting records are always precise and allow us to make major progress in terms of identifying royal burial mounds, tombs, artefacts and more," said Wilson.

Aerial photographs obtained by the research team via Google Earth are available for viewing on the Internet via, realhistoryradio.blogspot.com

A Caer is a fortress and Caers were major fortress cities and towns for example: Caer Lllundain (London), Caerdydd (Cardiff) Caergrant (Cambridge) and Caer Loyw (Gloucester).

[...]

A third reference is that of the "Uthyr Pendragon" , King Meurig/Maurice, who lies buried at the giant circle at Caer Caradoc. There is, at this location, a gigantic ditch and mound shaped like a boat, next to St. Peter's Church ruin. In this 180 yards by 70 yards wide earth mound and ditch feature there is the huge grave mound of Meurig.

Posted by Groonk at 04:06 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of History

Nobel Prize-winning German writer was Technically a Nazi

Yet he won the Nobel for an anti-nazi book:

Nobel Prize-winning German writer Guenter Grass, author of the great anti-Nazi novel The Tin Drum, has admitted serving in the Waffen SS.

He told a German newspaper he had been recruited at the age of 17 into an SS tank division and served in Dresden.

Previously it was only known he had served as a soldier and was wounded and taken prisoner by US forces.

[...]

"My silence over all these years is one of the reasons I wrote this book [Peeling Onions]," he told the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung in an interview.

"It had to come out, finally."

Grass, who was born in 1927, is widely admired as a novelist whose books frequently revisit the war years and is also known as an outspoken peace activist.

First the new pope and now this guy. You just don't know people do you?

(via warren ellis and his horrible new website design)

Posted by Groonk at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Books, WorldWarII

Britain's Top Model Aspires to Gothness

What is it with this love of that Top Model show? I just don't get it.

When I want to see pretty models, I look in the Victoria's Secret catalog. When I want to see pretty models in motion, I go to porn.

brit top modelgalPicsAbigail.jpg
corpse bride lives!

In the meantime, the brits have embraced the goth movement.

(via ontd)

Posted by Groonk at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture

Plan B: That Second Chance to Avoid a Big Mistake

It's been approved. Finally.

Women may buy the morning-after pill without a prescription - but only with proof they're 18 or older, federal health officials ruled Thursday, capping a contentious three-year effort to ease access to the emergency contraceptive.

Girls 17 and younger still will need a doctor's note to buy the pills, called Plan B, the Food and Drug Administration told manufacturer Barr Pharmaceuticals Inc. (BRL)

The compromise decision is a partial victory for women's advocacy and medical groups that say eliminating sales restrictions could cut in half the nation's 3 million annual unplanned pregnancies. Opponents have argued that wider access could increase promiscuity.

The pills are a concentrated dose of the same drug found in many regular birth-control pills. When a woman takes the pills within 72 hours of unprotected sex, she can lower the risk of pregnancy by up to 89 percent. If she already is pregnant, the pills have no effect.

The earlier it's taken, the more effective Plan B is. But it can be hard to find a doctor to write a prescription in time, especially on weekends and holidays. Hence the push to allow nonprescription sales.

Barr has said it hopes to begin nonprescription sales of Plan B by the end of the year. The pills will be sold only from behind the counter at pharmacies - so the pharmacist can check photo identification - but not at convenience stores or gas stations.

Posted by Groonk at 12:04 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Health

Pluto Officially Dumped from Plantetdom

IAU says, "it's not you, it's...actually it is you."

pluto-dissed.gifAfter a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is — and isn't — a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have labored since Copernicus without one.

[...]

For now, membership will be restricted to the eight "classical" planets in the solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.

Much-maligned Pluto doesn't make the grade under the new rules for a planet: "a celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit."

Pluto is automatically disqualified because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune's.

Instead, it will be reclassified in a new category of "dwarf planets," similar to what long have been termed "minor planets." The definition also lays out a third class of lesser objects that orbit the sun — "small solar system bodies," a term that will apply to numerous asteroids, comets and other natural satellites.

In other news, people are rallying to save Pluto's planet-ness.
-Warren Ellis will fight you
-Michael Peterson's campaigning for a planet designated Pluto
-Worth1000 has an amusing photoshop intervention. My favorite being this one.


It warms my heart to see science in the news, even if it is being treated as a fluff piece. I'd rather see that than skanky plastic retro hoochies talking about "hotness" levels.

(via discovery channel)

Posted by Groonk at 11:33 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of History, Science

Nerdgasm Command and Control

(via ponzu)

Posted by Groonk at 11:11 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, Research, Technology

August 23, 2006

Gawker Likes to Stalk Celebrities

And they hacked Google maps to do it.

What do Keith David, Seth Meyers and Jake Gyllenhaal have in common? They're all tagged on Gawker's list.

Honestly, this is sorta creepy. Stalkers give me a wiggins.

(via gawker)

Posted by Groonk at 09:17 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Google-fied

Ancient Whale Rexes, Demon Ducks, and a Dead Mystery Critter in Maine

whale rex.jpgThe fossil is the latest in a list of ancient creatures including sabre-toothed kangaroos, horned "devil wallabies" and the unlikely-sounding "demon duck of doom" that are reshaping views of Australia's prehistoric past.

The 25-million-year-old whale fossil has forced scientists to rethink the evolution of baleen whales, the placid giants which feed by using fine hair-like fibres in their mouths to filter plankton from the sea.

"The fossil proves the baleen whale, including toothless filter-feeders like the blue whale, often thought of as gentle giants of the sea, were not always so giant or gentle," Monash University graduate researcher Erich Fitzgerald told AFP.

While baleens are large -- with the blue whale reaching up to 30 metres (98 foot) -- the prehistoric predator was a swift hunter-killer only 3.5 metres (11.5 foot) long that fed on fish and small sharks, Fitzgerald said.

Scientists in Australia have discovered a fossilised ancient relative of the blue whale, seen here, with a fearsome razor-toothed appearance that has seen it dubbed 'the T-rex of the oceans'
He said it also had large eyes, like a modern great white, to compensate for its lack of sonar.


(via phys org)

Let that beastie kiss you at Seaworld.


8_demonduck.jpgA 12-million-year-old giant thunder bird called Bullockornis had a massive head with large powerful jaws. Although thunder birds were long thought to be plant-eaters, features of this bird's skull suggest that Bullockornis may have been a flesh-eater. Scientists have nicknamed this huge bird for its suspected meat-eating habits and its possible distant relationship to waterfowl - the 'Demon Duck of Doom'.


(via australia's lost kingdoms)

Evil quacks.


deadmysterymainecritter 2.jpgTURNER, Maine --Residents are wondering if an animal found dead over the weekend may be the mysterious creature that has mauled dogs, frightened residents and been the subject of local legend for half a generation.

The animal was found near power lines along Route 4 on Saturday, apparently struck by a car while chasing a cat. The carcass was photographed and inspected by several people who live in the area, but nobody is sure exactly what it is.

Michelle O'Donnell of Turner spotted the animal near her yard about a week before it was killed. She called it a "hybrid mutant of something."

"It was evil, evil looking. And it had a horrible stench I will never forget," she told the Sun Journal of Lewiston. "We locked eyes for a few seconds and then it took off. I've lived in Maine my whole life and I've never seen anything like it."

For the past 15 years, residents across Androscoggin County have reported seeing and hearing a mysterious animal with chilling monstrous cries and eyes that glow in the night. The animal has been blamed for attacking and killing a Doberman pinscher and a Rottweiler the past couple of years.

(via boston.com)

People love their legends.

Posted by Groonk at 08:54 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Animals, Myth, Science

Freestanding Mobile Freedom Means Never Being Far from that Box of Cereal

A concept wheelchair that stands upright.

Make the sucker transformable and you're onto something.

(via the cool hunter)

Posted by Groonk at 08:43 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Technology

Deadwood Enhances The Pancake Experience for All You Degenerate Cocksuckers

Comedian Justin Schlegel has done one of the better Deadwood spoofs I've seen thus far.

That's Deadwood, kids. That means NSFW.

Deal with it, tit-lickers.

Also, looks like the news of Deadwood getting four more hours of goodness to round out the storylines wasn't a lie(see W. Earl Smith's MySpace blog).

(via ONTD)

Posted by Groonk at 09:19 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Grammar, Video

August 19, 2006

"The 5 Most Obviously Drug-Fuelled TV Appearances EVER"

Some things I share with close friends via email. Sometimes those things get such a reaction that, well hell, it'd be a crime not to post it on this less than humble experiment.

Let's start with number 1: Richard Pryor in a Televised Interview on the Set of 'Stir Crazy'.

When I see this and the Crispin Glover roundhouse kicking David Letterman in 1987(which I remember seeing the night it aired), I'm reminded of the wisdom of The Superfreak(Rick James).

"Cocaine is a hell of a drug."

(the rest are linked via ONTD)

Posted by Groonk at 12:17 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, Funny, USA, Video

All Trekkies Should be Sterilized...

...and shot. Just to be sure they never get a chance to procreate. One
would think being a trekkie is an automatic brand against them having The Sex, but they always have each other.

How's that mental image sitting on your brain?


"Warp Factor Love"

This was another hit on the email. And by "hit" I mean stomach turning disturbing on all levels. If you're a trekkie, and you start thinking it's a good idea to sing a long lovesong to yourself and spread it around the "series of tubes" known as the internet. You really need to take a step back and sort out where you are in life.

I hear a shotgun to the temple is perfect for times like those.

(blame wil wheaton in exile for this noise)

Posted by Groonk at 12:15 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video, Weird

August 18, 2006

Urban Ninjas have all the Fun

I'm noticing more Le Parkour videos making the circles these days. Where the hell were those vids when I was looking for them 3 years ago?

The art of Le Parkour is french, in case you wondered.

Posted by Groonk at 07:48 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Martial Arts, On the French, Research, Video

August 16, 2006

Metal Wolf Chaos is the Heart of Justice that Loves America

Metal Wolf Chaos, a video game made in Japan. What is it about? I'll tell ya.

The President of the US has multi-facted omnidirectional power armor. His name is Michael Wilson. The vice President has equally multi-facted power armor. His name is Richard Hawk. The waters in The Mall part and from the middle rises Air Force One, super charged and ready to dispense justice.

*glurp*

That was me choking on a little bit of awesome that bubbled up from my stomach.

Other bits of game-awesome that I still taste in my mouth.

Woman: "At least his misreporting is consistant."

President: "As long as the city is safe, who cares?"

(via powerman Dunc!, some japan loving blog and "it loves you there" You Tube

Posted by Groonk at 06:45 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Only in Japan, Quotables, Video

IAU to Rename Solar System, Make Kids Work Harder in Class

Dr Andrew Coates of the Mullard Space Science Laboratory in Dorking said he thought the plan was "a good compromise".
_41439823_solar_system_416.jpg

He explained: "It keeps the idea of eight classical planets, while Pluto is allowed to retain its status. But other objects are allowed in, which I suppose makes life more interesting."

Experts have been divided over whether Pluto - further away and considerably smaller than the eight other planets in our Solar System - deserves the title.

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 08:34 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science

August 15, 2006

God's Tree? Maybe. God's Water. Definitely?

"What kind of mystery do I have where water comes out of a tree?"

Her son, Lloyd, 47, discovered water leaking from the tree in April. He said it was cool, like it came from the tap.

The only damp spot around the tree trunk is where the water lands.

Mark Peterson, a regional community forester from the Texas Forest Service said he believes it could be a spring, but pointed out that would be rare with the drought conditions this summer.

"If it is a burst pipe their monthly bill would be enormous," Peterson said.

Lucille Pope has started to wonder if the water has special properties.

Her insurance agent dabbed drops of the water on a spider bite and the welt went away, she said.

"I just want to know if it is a healing tree or blessed water," she said. "That's God's water. Nobody knows but God."

If the water came from a stone, then we'd have something.

Like a fountain.

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 11:25 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Religion, Weird

When I Watched "Keep your Jesus off My Penis" I Found Myself Amused

Eric Schwartz is a funny man and he makes me laugh.

I swear, no more videos today.

(via wondermuss YouTube)

Posted by Groonk at 04:53 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Music, Politics, Religion

79 Year Old Pete the "Grandfather of YouTube"?

Have a look at the UK news clip about Pete.

He's 79 years old. He likes motorcycles. He's now a widow who survived World War II. He likes the blues and that new song "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne. His life is like ours: normal with bits of ups and downs. So why has he blossomed on You Tube with only 9 videos? I just can't say.

I can tell you that it's damn interesting to hear and watch his stories of days of old and news of now.

(via wired monkeybites)

Posted by Groonk at 04:33 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Video

Depleted Uranium is Making US Soldiers Sick

Reed says he unknowingly breathed DU dust while living with his unit in Samawah, Iraq. He was med-evaced out in July 2003, nearly unable to walk because of lightning-strike pains from herniated discs in his spine. Then began a strange series of symptoms he'd never experienced in his previously healthy life.

At Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C, he ran into a buddy from his unit. And another, and another, and in the tedium of hospital life between doctor visits and the dispensing of meds, they began to talk.

"We all had migraines. We all felt sick," Reed says. "The doctors said, 'It's all in your head.' "

Then the medic from their unit showed up. He too, was suffering. That made eight sick soldiers from the 442nd Military Police, an Army National Guard unit made up of mostly cops and correctional officers from the New York area.

But the medic knew something the others didn't. Dutch marines had taken over the abandoned train depot dubbed Camp Smitty, which was surrounded by tank skeletons, unexploded ordnance and shell casings. They'd brought radiation-detection devices. The readings were so hot, the Dutch set up camp in the middle of the desert rather than live in the station ruins.

[...]

There are several studies on how it affects animals, though their results are not, of course, directly applicable to humans. Military research on mice shows that depleted uranium can enter the bloodstream and come to rest in bones, the brain, kidneys and lymph nodes. Other research in rats shows that DU can result in cancerous tumors and genetic mutations, and pass from mother to unborn child, resulting in birth defects.

Iraqi doctors reported significant increases in birth defects and childhood cancers after the 1991 invasion.

Iraqi authorities "found that uranium, which affected the blood cells, had a serious impact on health: The number of cases of leukemia had increased considerably, as had the incidence of fetal deformities," the U.N. reported.

Depleted uranium can also contaminate soil and water, and coat buildings with radioactive dust, which can by carried by wind and sandstorms.

The Department of Defense basically says it's "safe as houses." Maybe they should rephrase that to "safe as a house on fire on all sides."


(via wired news)

It will take years to determine how depleted uranium affected soldiers from this war. After Vietnam, veterans, in numbers that grew with the passage of time, complained of joint aches, night sweats, bloody feces, migraine headaches, unexplained rashes and violent behavior; some developed cancers.

It took more than 25 years for the Pentagon to acknowledge that Agent Orange -- a corrosive defoliant used to melt the jungles of Vietnam and flush out the enemy -- was linked to those sufferings.

It took 40 years for the military to compensate sick World War II vets exposed to massive blasts of radiation during tests of the atomic bomb. In 2002, Congress voted to not let that happen again.

Posted by Groonk at 03:29 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Health, War

FYI: Liquid Explosive Detection is Feasible and Already Available

But none are being used in the United States. Some are in place overseas, though Kant said those aren't in airports.

One big reason is that it is not easy to integrate the explosive-detecting machines, some of which can cost $250,000, into existing security checkpoints. Because each briefcase, purse or other carry-on bag has to be put in a special drawer for analysis, using the detectors could significantly bog down passenger screening.

Homeland security analyst Brian Ruttenbur of Morgan Keegan also points out that the technology still produces a relatively high number of false alarms.

For those reasons -- and because there still has not been a successful attack using liquid explosives -- Ruttenbur believes the TSA won't be pressed to overhaul the current screening regimen.

(via wired news)

Posted by Groonk at 03:22 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Technology, USA

August 14, 2006

The World Abides...for the Moment

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert ordered Israel's army to observe a ceasefire from 2 a.m. on Monday (2300 GMT on Sunday) and to start withdrawing some troops from south Lebanon, the Haaretz newspaper's Web site said.

The truce between Israeli forces and Hizbollah guerrillas is formally due to take effect at 0500 GMT under a U.N. Security Council resolution.

Haaretz said Olmert had met his defence minister and heads of armed forces late on Sunday to discuss the ceasefire.

"Olmert ordered the army to begin abiding by it as of 2 a.m. this morning, other than in cases of self-defence," the newspaper said.

"They also agreed that the army will begin withdrawing some of its forces from Lebanon immediately, but will remain in various positions that offer control over surrounding areas until these positions can be handed over to the Lebanese Army and the U.N. Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL)."

Posted by Groonk at 01:22 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of World

August 13, 2006

Barats and Baretta's: Cubicle War 2006...Epic

One of the most solid pieces of comedy that Barats and Baretta have done so far. I introduce: The Winward Reports...

(via barats and baretta and their YouTube extension)

Posted by Groonk at 03:48 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Funny, Video

August 11, 2006

New Scientist says 'Fear Nothing but Fear Itself'

They are scientists because they are smart...most days.

fdrsmall.jpgAlarm and distress over flying may be the main casualties of Thursday’s alleged terror plot to blow up more than 10 passenger planes, experts say.

Despite terrible fatalities in the London and Madrid train attacks, which between them killed almost 250 people, fear of airline terrorism strikes deepest, say psychologists. And one of the reasons is the indelible memory of the attacks which demolished New York’s World Trade Center on 11 September 2001.

“It’s not only that the planes were hijacked, but that the passenger planes themselves were used as weapons, something people had never thought of before,” says Elie Godsi, a clinical psychologist based in Nottingham, UK.

So even though the alleged UK plot to down airliners appears to have been foiled, it still represents a victory of sorts for terrorism because of the resulting fear and mayhem.

“Whenever people fly now in the post-9/11 world, it’s obvious that anything suspicious to do with airline travel will be disproportionately stressful,” says Godsi.

[...]

...says Perman-Kerr, the current alert could be counted a success in terrorist terms, even though any plot appears to have been thwarted. “Nothing has to happen, because the fear in people changes their behaviour and their activities, hitting the economy at the same time.”

Godsi agrees. “One of the worst things you can do to people is impose uncertainty, and uncertainty with an intangible threat is worse still,” he says.

Yet ironically, terrorism accounts for a tiny number of deaths compared with other causes such as road accidents, deaths from drug abuse or heart attacks and strokes. “It’s disproportionate in its impact because no one knows when it will strike, and typically it happens when people are going about their daily business.”
As to the stress experienced by the thousands of travellers who have had their journeys disrupted, Godsi says they are likely to cope with it and accept it provided they are given adequate explanations for the measures introduced. “If people understand the reasons, they’re usually happier, even if they suffer inconvenience as a result,” she says.

(via lovable, huggable newscientist in their pretty lab coats and ze frank, the talking head that could)

Posted by Groonk at 04:12 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, Science, World

Sleep on a Bed of Force for Around $1.54 Million

floatingbed.jpgA young Dutch architect has created a floating bed which hovers above the ground through magnetic force and comes with a price tag of 1.2 million euros ($1.54 million).

Janjaap Ruijssenaars took inspiration for the bed -- a sleek black platform, which took six years to develop and can double as a dining table or a plinth -- from the mysterious monolith in Stanley Kubrick's 1968 cult film "2001: A Space Odyssey."

"No matter where you live all architecture is dictated by gravity. I wondered whether you could make an object, a building or a piece of furniture where this is not the case -- where another power actually dictates the image," Ruijssenaars said.

Magnets built into the floor and into the bed itself repel each other, pushing the bed up into the air. Thin steel cables tether the bed in place.

"It is not comfortable at the moment," admits Ruijssenaars, adding it needs cushions and bedclothes before use.

The artist says that people with piercings can sleep on the bed with no problem but suggests they don't slide underneath for fear of the metallic area in question getting pulled towards one of the magnets.

(via rocketboom and warrenellis)

Posted by Groonk at 02:16 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Technology

During WWII, Disney Designed Insignia for POWs

Modern Mechanix found the original scan.

(via boingboing)

Posted by Groonk at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of WorldWarII

August 10, 2006

The World Overreacts: Passengers Forced to Dump All Liquids

And by "overreact" I mean throwing the baby out with the bath water. If all these supposed saftey systems were in place in the get-go, you would think all that needed to be done was intensify the boarding process. But I'm nowhere near official. Maybe I'm just thinking out of my ass.

BOSTON - Airline passengers around the country stood in line for hours and airport trash bins bulged with everything from mouthwash and shaving cream to maple syrup and fine wine Thursday in a security crackdown prompted by the discovery of a terror plot in Britain.

U.S. authorities banned the carrying of liquids onto flights after the arrest of 24 people in an alleged plot to blow up U.S.-bound planes using explosives disguised as drinks and other common products.

The restrictions forced people to unpack their carry-on bags on the floor in the middle of terminals to remove the prohibited items. Some travelers tried to squeeze makeup, sunscreen and other toiletries into their checked baggage, where liquids were permissible.

But people without checked bags or those who had already given their luggage to their airline had to throw out the banned items.

"It's very frustrating. I'm no terrorist," said Alison Phillips as she struggled to repack her suitcase in Tampa, Fla., after removing all liquids for her return flight to Jamaica.

Other security measures were also ramped up at airports across the nation. Gov. Mitt Romney sent the National Guard to help patrol Boston's Logan Airport for the first time since the Sept. 11 attacks, when terrorists hijacked two planes from there and flew them into the World Trade Center. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger also activated the National Guard in California, and Gov. George Pataki in New York considered doing the same.

You kow, when drastic measures like these occur after they stop the Bad Men from causing harm to innocent life, I get teh impression that the "officials" are simply reacting to whatever fresh hell scenario comes along. If I were wanting to prevent wanton distruction, I would have assembled the eggheads necessary to think ahead of my adversary. The best way to win at chess is to outthink your opponent.

Are you telling me that the mightiest country in the land can't pool the resources from other nations that have been dealing with crap like this a lot longer than we americans have and fashion together some kind of plan against those that only know how to maim and kill to get a point across?

Certainly, you're not telling me this. Cause every time I look in the news and see "officials" getting passengers to throw out their liquid tylenol, take off their shoes, and dump nail clippers en masse, that's the impression I'm getting.

Anyway, here's a list of items banned aboard planes in Britain as of this posting.

(via yahoo news)

Posted by Groonk at 07:23 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of USA, World

The World is Angry: Another Terror Plot Diffused

Homes and businesses across England are being searched and 24 people questioned after police say a plot to blow up UK flights to the US was disrupted.

Police are convinced they have detained the key players, but believe the network involved is large and global.

US intelligence officials believe the plotters hoped to stage a practice run followed by actual attacks on up to 10 planes within days.

UK police said they could have caused "mass murder on an unimaginable scale".

As Ze thoughtfully put in his show today(the show with zefrank: 08-10-06) regarding the quote "mass murder on an unimaginable scale," it is very imaginable. The loss of human life would have been terrible and measured. Officials don't need to resort to hyperbole just to get their freaking point across. Find the problem and solve the problem as best you can. You don't have to add to the problem by making grandstanding statements like "murder on an unimaginable scale." Leave shit like that for the movies.

This is real life. Most people can put the facts together if you give it to them straight...minus the added drama.

(via bbc news)

Posted by Groonk at 06:48 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of USA, World

Old News: The Moon has a Bulge


The shape of the Moon might encode subtle clues about its orbit billions of years ago, say planetary scientists in the US. Their work has turned up one possible solution to a lunar mystery first identified in revolutionary France, two centuries ago.

Astronomers think the Moon formed when a Mars-sized body – about half the diameter of Earth – walloped into our planet about 4.5 billion years ago, spraying molten debris into space. The debris quickly clumped together to form the Moon at a distance of about 4 Earth radii from the Earth’s centre, and solidified 100 million to 200 million years later.

Over billions of years, the Moon gradually spiralled outwards to its current, near-circular orbit at about 60 Earth radii. Tidal forces (gravitational effects) from the Earth have made the Moon’s spin period equal to its orbital period, so one side permanently faces the Earth.

Imagine instead that someone magically created the Moon today by placing a perfectly uniform ball of rock in the Moon’s current position. Immediately, it would no longer be uniform. The Earth's tidal forces would stretch the barren satellite from the near to the far side, for instance, while the forces of the Moon’s rotation would make it bulge out a little around its equator. That means its gravity along different axes would be different.

(via new scientists)

Posted by Groonk at 06:38 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science

August 09, 2006

Office Girls Like to Show Off Their Unmentionables

Looks like a TV show put three ladies together in an office setting and had a contest over who could be Miss Slutty McSlutslut. You know how I figure it's a TV show and not real life shennanignans? Girls that hot never worked in any of my office gigs. That was a dead giveaway. Well it was that and the laugh track in the background.

Only time I hear a laugh track in my day-to-day is when I'm readying for a shower or applying for a home loan. And that laughter isn't so much about the goodheartedness.

(via 7d))

Posted by Groonk at 08:21 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Sex, Video

August 03, 2006

Global Warming Brews Up Ice-Cap Beer

My God. I must have some of this. I love the taste of impending doom.

A brewery in Greenland is producing beer using water melted from the ice cap of the vast Arctic island.

The brewers claim that the water is at least 2,000 years old and free of minerals and pollutants.

The first 66,000 litres of the new dark and pale
ales are on their way to the Danish market. The beer from Greenland - a semi-autonomous Danish territory - costs 37 kroner (?3.40; five euros) per half-litre bottle.

It is the first ever Inuit microbrewery - located in Narsaq, a hamlet 625km (390 miles) south of the Arctic Circle…

Beerme.com states there are only 2 breweries in Greenland. And one of those is planned as of 3/14/06.

I wonder...

(via warren ellis)

Posted by Groonk at 02:01 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, World

Iraqis Podcast About their Lives

Instead of solely relying on the oft times half-assedness of CNN or the complete idiocy of Fox News, get a better idea about life in Iraq from actual Iraqis.

Alive in Baghdad founder Brian Conley explains it all in this Rocketboom mach II clip

(via rocketboom mach II)

Posted by Groonk at 11:29 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Culture, Podcast, World

August 02, 2006

FOR SALE: Decommissioned Jump Jet, UK Folk Only

Medicmike lives! haven't heard from him in so long I was beginning to think him a myth.

Anywho, he has spotted a Navy Sea Harrier. For sale. On ebay.

It's engineless and weaponless, of course. It's selling as a show item. If only I had followed through with my original plan.

Posted by Groonk at 07:29 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Weird

The World is Angry: Death Counter Webpages are Everywhere

From the "Israel/Lebanon conflict" to the "American versus the Iraqi casualties".

For the big pictures, in smaller form, go here(warning:the images are sizable).

Notice: The Iraqi/American counter. 25 deaths per coffin.

(via boingboing)


US-Iraq Coffin Counter small.png
as of July 24, 2006 1:40 PDT.
Israeli-Lebanese Coffin Countersmall.png

as of August 2, 2006 13:41 EST

Posted by Groonk at 03:10 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of War

The Universe Reveals a Big Blobby Thing

060727_cosmic_ameoba_02.jpg An enormous amoeba-like structure 200 million light-years wide and made up of galaxies and large bubbles of gas is the largest known object in the universe, scientists say.

The galaxies and gas bubbles, called Lyman alpha blobs, are aligned along three curvy filaments that formed about 2 billion years after the universe exploded into existence after the theoretical Big Bang. The filaments were recently seen using the Subaru and Keck telescopes on Mauna Kea.

The galaxies within the newly found structure are packed together four times closer than the universe's average.

[...]

"The structure we discovered and others like are probably the precursors of the largest structures we see today which contain multiple clusters of galaxies," Yamauchi said.

Posted by Groonk at 03:01 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Science

OK GO Blows My Mind, Dances on Treadmills

This must be the week of the music video. This sweet video was on ONTD last week but this is the first YouTube instance I've seen that's stayed up. Watch it while you're able. Who knows when it'll be gone.

UPDATE: Vote for OK GO's video "Here it Goes Again" on VH1's countdown list thingie.
http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/top_20_countdown/
Let teh awesome take over, for once. (Thanks ONTD)

UPDATE 2: ABC interview with Ok Go's Tim about the making of this awesome video.
(via ONTD and glorious YouTube and OKGO.net)

Posted by Groonk at 02:35 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Just Freaking Neat, Music, Video

Flickr Ladies Love Showing Nipple

AMONG the tens of thousands of photographs uploaded to one of the internet’s biggest picture-sharing websites last month, two turned out to be remarkably popular. One showed a beautiful Icelandic blonde knitting herself a green scarf that was precariously wrapped around her nude torso; the other a female breast through a near-transparent blouse.

Both were self-portraits taken by gifted amateur women photographers whose work has attracted hundreds of thousands of internet viewers. And each photograph ignited a furious debate about what one woman photographer has described as "the new trend for the enlightened, liberated woman of today . . . to be proudly naked on the internet".

"Mona Lisa is finally jumping out of the frame, slapping Leonardo and painting herself," declared Lola the Car Chick, a photographer who was among more than 11,000 viewers of the scarf shot by Rebekka Guoleifsdottir, a 28-year-old single mother from Reykjavik.

(via rebekka and times online)

Posted by Groonk at 12:54 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Flickrlicious, Sex

August 01, 2006

The Internet Answers Your Most Silliest, Darkest, Serious Questions

Michael Gaiman has created a wonderful internet social interaction space.

I've been on it a while. I'm seriously addicted.

Ah, Internet. So many questions. Can you truly answer them all?

(via neil gaiman)

Posted by Groonk at 01:10 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Apps, Culture, Just Freaking Neat

Tim Molloy Makes You Think

I came across this webcomic by Tim Molloy and was reluctnat to post it because he does not offer the same reposting rights as Diesel Sweeties. But I figure: post the title and saying it really is a darn neat thing to read will cause people's curiosity to rise so much that it overwhelms them and they follow the link back to his page and immerse themselves in this one panel wonder webcomic.

I assume a lot, I know.

(via dear internet)

Posted by Groonk at 12:50 PM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Comics

Gnarls Barkley Transcends Time, Puts on "Smiley Faces"

What an incredibly neat video this is. Also, what an incredibly cool song. Put them together and you have more incredible awesomeness from Gnarls Barkley. Alone they only whispered, together they speak volumes.

The video adds so much depth to that song. That kind of shit is fucking non-existant on today's MTV/VH1. I swear, I like it better than "Crazy".

(via Dirt)

Posted by Groonk at 03:07 AM | Comments (0) | Ministry of Just Freaking Neat, Music, Video

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